Kick Up the Arse Please

[electricboogy]

My self esteem is very low at the moment. I could win an academy award for acting competent. I used to be a fighter but I am having the life force sucked out of me. Please feel free to give me a kick up the arse or give me some encouraging words

At work I am on low wages and I have been messed around by someone. It's not a nasty atmosphere and most of the time I enjoy the work. This is why I have stuck with it. I know I should make some changes.

I can't afford holidays or counselling sessions.

My love life is rubbish. I'm usually dumped after a short time. A couple of these people who I dated, in hindsight, were not for right for me. However, the last one still hurts.

I try to help a family member with health issues. For various reasons I am low contact but can't cut them out of my life completely.

Oh @electricboogy only you can change your circumstances however I think we all feel like you do sometimes! You don’t need a kick up the arse, you sound like you need a hug!

Dating is hard, but like you said they weren’t right for you anyway! Dust yourself and get back to it, maybe date different types of people, not just your ‘type’

Learn to say 'no' to other people and their demands on your time and energy. That will free up some 'me' time. Put dating on hold until you feel in a better place, emotionally. Mumsnet posters demonstrate daily that dating is a bit like the wild-west these days, and best reserved for when you are feeling stronger. Your GP can refer you for NHS counselling, and some voluntary sector organisations offer free or low-fee sessions. Additionally there are validated online courses and therapies that are available for free, often based around cognitive-behavioural therapy. Be kind to yourself. If you cannot go on holiday, find free places like the park to chill out. Stop putting your focus as other people for a while, and concentrate on you and what you would like to change about yourself.

Agree with glitter, you sound like you need a big hug. Try to be kind to yourself, treat yourself as you would a good friend.
I’m not sure if this will be helpful to you or not, but I had a period of my life where everything seemed to be going wrong and I was really unhappy, and a friend said that I needed to stop giving others the keys to my happiness, it was all down to me. I realised she was right and took responsibility for my own happiness and accepted the mistakes I’d made in the past and forgave myself for them. There’s was no point worrying about what had already happened, I had the choice to change the way I was thinking and it made such a difference to how I was feeling.

How about setting yourself some doable targets?

Like, I don't know, earning a little bit extra a week (by doing surveys or whatnot - there's an thread about ways somewhere) and putting that aside for a break away - OK it'll be slow, but something you can watch grow.

Perhaps see if there are any training/advancement opportunities with your work, or shape up your CV and apply for one job a week.

Try meditation or positive mantras or a 3 things to be grateful for/like about yourself journal everyday. Lots of self-care. Lots of positive self-talk. Cook yourself nice things, do nice things for yourself.

Thank you so much for your replies.

There are some good suggestions which I can take on board and I definitely need to make some changes. I needed to vent and yes I think I needed a hug x