Sacked off after second date

[STANTER]

I was in an abusive relationship. I left him with our son and haven't seen him since. He's now taking me to court and it's a horrific process. I've just got the courage back to start dating. Met a nice guy, really liked him. Went on a third date and he's now ignoring my messages. Sent him one, no response. Sent him another (not naggy, just another text 10 hours after the one he didn't respond to). I won't be sending any more. He's been online and is just not opening my messages. I know shot happens and I should just get over it but it feels really embarrassing that he's ignoring me. Anyway the date isn't even what's making me feel bad, I don't think. I just feel really down and lots of little things like this just make me feel worse and worse. I feel like I don't even know who I am anymore and years of abuse has made me such a way that I need validation from others to feel good, make a decision etc. I'm so lost. Can anyone help? Sorry if you can't quite cut through my ramblings. Just in a bad place

You should probably ask for this thread to be moved to the relationships board.

Don't date anymore until you've done the Freedom Programme and worked on your self-esteem. You are still vulnerable and not in the right place to be dating, tbh.

Have you been to councelising op? Might be worth going to have someone to help you talk through all your issues.

I've done the freedom programme online and an doing it classroom based in April. Just feel so so low. Don't know what to do. Don't think I even know who I am anymore.

We're moving this to relationships for the OP.

I thought I was ready to date after an abusive relationship and I was not. Even now, 4 years on and a huge amount of counselling, it’s still tough. I’d recommend taking a step back and being truly happy with yourself, in yourself and being by yourself before even thinking about dating.

Your self-worth should not be dependent on the attentions of any man. I highly suggest counselling to help you work through this.

Stop dating. You don’t sound ready. dating is really brutal these days with ghosting, blocking and everyone multi dating. You need really thick skin. I have been exactly where you are. It does get better but if you date whilst vulnerable you really open yourself up to get hurt. Do the Freedom Programme it’s really excellent and helps you out the boundaries in place which you will need when ready to date.

The in person programme is excellent

I've tried counselling through the NHS and it was absolutely awful. I'm on a waiting list for specific counselling for sexual abuse victims as my ex used raped me, but it might take up to two years to actually see someone. I don't feel like there's any decent free help out there.

Before my ex I was honestly so confident. In every walk of life. Now I'm the total opposite. I'm scared to even talk to anyone because they might hurt me. I wasn't actively dating. This date came out of nowhere and I thought yeah ok why not! Definitely not my best of ideas.

Hi OP, please stay away from dating for a good while. You feel like you need validation from men to feel good but ultimately you will end up feeling worse because there are so many weird men online (sorry I assume you met online).
I started dating too early after my long term relationship and I really did end up hating myself. Every time I was rejected, ghosted, unmatched etc etc, I felt like there was something wrong with me.
It takes a strong person to be able to stomach the awful world of online dating and you are definitely not there yet.
Block that guy's number and work on yourself.

Stay away from dating.
You need a seriously strong stomach to navigate that pool.
Do some work on yourself.
Have a look at self help books.
Also contact Rape Crisis. They can and should offer you some specialist counselling that will be far quicker than 2 years!
You should find attending the Freedom Programme course a big help so well done on getting on to that!

You need to find yourself.
Your likes and dislikes.
What makes YOU happy.
You need to get happy being with you.
Look into some hobbies.
Sign up to do some courses that interest you.
It's gonna take a while to find your groove.
But you will get there.
Just know you do not need a man or any other validation to get you there! That is down to you.

Trust me I'm not going to do any more dating in a hurry.

Definitely not my best of ideas
Well... you don't know until you try.
You tried. Don't knock yourself for that!!!

I would love to sign up to courses but I work almost full time and have a young child and no regular help other than his childminder. I relocated so have moved to a new area. I gave up trying to call rape crisis. I called 4 days on the trot and just couldn't get through.

You are doing amazingly well. Getting out of an abusive relationship and raising your son alone. As well as having to deal with a court case. You need to go easy on yourself!

Ah... that changes things a bit.
Have a look at meetup.com - there may be some parent / child clubs in your area you could join. It may clash with working but worth a shot.
Or have an ask on your local facebook community page.
Ours is brilliant and everyone is helpful.

could it be that you’ve spoken about your past with this person and it’s scared him off?

Don’t feel bad for him ghosting you. It happens unfortunately. It seems to be the norm for people to casually date a few people at a time.
Don’t take it personally!

You’re doing so well OP. You’ve left, you’re trying to rebuild your life and find someone who you can share it with. Honestly, we’ll done! You’re doing great!

Move on lots more fish in the sea .
enjoy yourself first find your feet and just do social clubs activities don't go looking/hunting

I didn't raise my past at all. Didn't even mention it. I struggle even talking about it on here. I think every rejection just solidifies the views that my ex had about me. He told me he hates my belly, and my stretch marks. Told me my boobs looked weird after breastfeeding. Tried to get me to lose weight. Wanted me to do squats to make my bum firmer. Bought me bio oil etc etc. Wouldn't that screw even the best of us up? ☹️

Most men don’t care about things like that.

What makes you connect your appearance to this mans rejection?

Did he see you naked?
Did he say similar things?
Because if he did that’s a lucky escape.

No, he's really nice. It's just all in my head and I guess the transition from going on dates and wearing a tight dress to show off my figure that I used to love, to then having a baby and being called names and covering up with big jumpers in dates is strange. I guess I just lost my confidence

Yes it would. He sounds fucking awful. Well done for getting you and your child out. It dos get better

It will get better OP.
Is there anything you can do to improve your body confidence?

Instagram is always a good place to start. There are some amazing stunning women who are more than happy to share their rolls and other body complaints.

It’ll be a long road but you’re out and walking on it!
You’re so brave, honestly!