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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He left me 5 days after a miscarriage

10 replies

Irish123 · 23/01/2020 11:01

My ex and I had been together almost 6 months when we discovered I was pregnant in Nov. This wasn't planned but we were both very happy. The relationship had always been wonderful with no issues. He is Brazilian and had gone home for Christmas, with the intention of returning to Ireland in February/March. On Christmas day I started bleeding, a scan the next day revealed the baby had stopped developing at @6 weeks and had no heart beat. I ended up having an MVC in the beginning of January (which was devastating). My ex in the beginning was supportive, said we could try again and was saying he loved me and missed. But 5 days after this he hadn't been properly in contact in 2 days. I asked him to ring me and he told me he still loved me but was confused about us, confused about life and didn't want a child for years. This was just over 2 weeks and I haven't heard from him. I am still devastated over the miscarriage and completely blindsided and heartbroken. The first scan was due on Tuesday. I can't stop crying over everything. I'm 41 and also feel this might be last chance to have a child.

OP posts:
SuperbMonkey · 23/01/2020 11:07

@123 just stopping by to say I’m sorry to read your news. I don’t have any special advice to offer. Perhaps see your GP and ask about counselling or arrange it privately (the latter will be quicker). I had a miscarriage at the same age and pregnancy stage. It is devastating. I empathise with you. Your boyfriend does not sound like a kind person, but it’s no comfort for you to hear that now.

I am sorry not to be able to be of more help. Flowers. I’m so sorry for your loss.

3rdchristmaslucky · 23/01/2020 12:05

Sweety I'm so sorry this happened to you.

What you're coping with right now is two losses, double grief. It's horrible that you're having to go through this.

However, count your blessings that you were only a few months in when he showed his true colours.

He abandoned you in your time of need.

Grieve your baby and work on rebuilding your happiness. You will get through this.

Interestedwoman · 23/01/2020 12:54

How awful :( So sorry for your loss. xxxxx

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 23/01/2020 12:57

I'm so sorry about your baby, and what an utter shitbag. I don't have any good advice I'm afraid other than at least you are free of him. Hope you are doing ok.

Fainne · 23/01/2020 12:59

That's so sad. It's a lot to deal with all at once. Are you in Ireland? Can you get some sort of therapy? If you could afford 50 a week, you'd probably get some. I think that's all I can really suggest. Have you friends or family for support?

Irish123 · 23/01/2020 14:15

Yes, I'm in Ireland but I'm planning on staying with my brother and his family in London for a while. Basically after the miscarriage my ex and I agreed that I would go to Brazil. I moved out of the apt I was renting , which was incredibly stressful (particularly as I'd just had the mvc) and the next day my ex broke up with me. So basically he left me a day after I had no where to live.

I have an apartment that I'm renting and have given the tenants notice but it won't be free till May. I have a few close friends who have been very supportive (which I'm really grateful for but there's only so much they can listen to) and am currently staying with my Dad. I have brother's too and while they are being kind. They dont really know what to say. Yeah, I'm looking into counciling now. Thanks for all the kind messages

OP posts:
giggleshizz · 23/01/2020 14:36

Just to add I'm so sorry to hear this. As pp said you are grieving two things, miscarriage and ex

I think in time you'll see ex leaving as a blessing. Often the six months mark can be when cracks start to show. He's shown his true colours by not supporting you.

Take care

TooManyPlatesInMotion · 23/01/2020 15:03

I am so sorry for your loss op.

What a horrible situation for you to be in and it must be just unbearable at the moment. However, re him, at least you found out sooner rather than later into the relationship.

fuzzfudge · 23/01/2020 15:05

Sorry for your loss

Sunnytimesahead · 23/01/2020 15:16

Hi OP,

I just wanted to say how sorry I am to hear of your loss. You have been through so much. I am very glad you have supportive friends and family.
I hope you can get the counselling organised soon and start to recover from what has happened.
There is some information on the Tommys website regarding emotional recovery after miscarriage which may be of help.

Sending you my very best wishes for the future x

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