How do I get over him

[veryverycold]

I've been single for a few years now, and recently had a brief 'thing' with a guy who was totally gorgeous, said all the right things, amazing kisser, made me feel really special, fancy him like mad etc
It's very recently dawned on me that I've been played by a player who is not interested in me really, just basically wanted to get me in to bed. Everything that came out of his mouth was actually complete bullshit. No doubt I'm not the only one on his list of conquests either.

I know what I need to do - move on, forget about him, delete his number. get some self respect etc etc.
But I really am struggling with my feelings forgetting about him. How do I do this?
I am not in direct contact but will still bump into him in the future so the reminder is there. I'm feeling quite miserable and heartbroken and stupidly I cannot stop thinking about him.

• I was a mature student by the way, I know I sound like a lovesick teenager but I wasn’t.

@Chinks123 that sounds really hard. Thank goodness that's behind you now. I am in that place too at the moment, overanalysing everything and finding potential hidden meanings. It's so futile and a complete waste of time!
It flabbergasts me quite frankly the extent to which he lied to get his way. It makes me think he must have no empathy as he clearly doesn't care about how those words and then subsequent actions are going to make me feel.

He isn’t thinking of you.

He doesn’t care about you.

He’s already getting into someone else’s knickers.

Keep reminding yourself of these things and realise you deserve so much more than a fuck boy.

Excellent advice here. Especially not pain shopping - that's REALLY important. Adding my 2 cents...

Eat apples and melons instead of chocolates and biscuits.
Drink water and tea instead of booze.
Listen to Book at Bedtime when you go to bed, instead of staring at your phone

I think @MashedSpud gave some good advice.

Our brains aren’t very nice to us when it comes to this sort of stuff.

Focus on you and be kind to yourself.

Thank you this is really good advice, I need the harsh reality check.
I'm hoping I can move forward now and start getting over him, it's just annoying that I'm going to have to encounter him again as that's going to hinder things probably.

@MashedSpud I now have your first three points in your post on repeat in my brain and I have to say it's helping

@veryverycold I’m going through a similar situation, fell for someone massively & he lied & continued to lie throughout (2yrs) & I was miserable & from things I’ve seen, I think he is back with his ex, while we were together there would be nights when I wouldn’t hear from him... later I found out he was staying with his ex.

I’ve been heartbroken over him, sometimes... a lot of the time I’d be at work & something would come in to my head & I’d rush to the toilet & cry, i would cry driving to work & driving home! The only times I am on my own as I have a 4 yr old son & I refuse to be down when I’m around him.

It’s so hard & I really feel for you, while you’ve been given some good advice nothing really helps, I found that when you talk about it with people, you feel good for a while after but then when you’re in bed, at work or in the shower - basically when you’re alone your mind wanders - I finished my relationship a month ago, the pain is still raw but it’s definitely better, the worst part... I know I can’t be with him but I also still think ‘will he get in touch again?’ I will never go back with him & I’ll always remember him as the one that broke me, I have never felt like I did & do so it’s been hard.

You just have to be strong remembering you will be fine & you will be happy again, unfortunately time is the best healer. I know my post wouldn’t have helped much but I feel for you as I know you how you’re going through. X

Oh & one last thing, completely agree with @FlowerArranger listening to a pod cast is really good while in bed, although my mind will drift back to my ex every now & again it has helped I end up falling asleep a lot faster (so never hear the end of the episode I’m listening to 😆) I do normally end up dreaming of him though, but listening to a book or pod cast has helped me. I’ve been doing that since December 👍🏼 good luck, hope you feel better soon x

Hi @Messedup9 that sounds so hard and 2 years is a long time no wonder it's taking time to get over it. What a total shit though to do that to you! Sorry you are going through that.
It's interesting what you say about nothing really helps I have to agree- mine is still constantly on my mind despite my best intentions and the excellent advice on this thread.
I keep thinking OLD will help but I'm not really interested for two reasons - firstly none of them are him (pathetic I know) and also I don't want to get hurt again.
Hopefully for both of us time will be the thing to help the situation.

Thanks for the tip about pod casts before bed too, will give that a try

@veryverycold I have to be honest I am fairly new to this... OLD? I assume that means someone else? I wouldn’t personally, but that’s just me, I wanted a relationship with my ex not just a relationship, I’m not bothering with anyone else right now & probably won’t for the foreseeable future. I think it’ll happen when it’s meant to but right now I’m not looking for anything else. I’m just accepting (painfully) that my ex wasn’t right for me & as much as I want to be with him I know I deserve better. I suppose you just have to accept that pain is part of the process. However if dating others does work for you, you should do it, everyone is wired different & do what makes you feel better. Take care x