Unloved

[Lemonheaddd]

Hi, I think I already know the answer but I'm coming here for help or advice.

What does it mean when you are feeling unloved? Like you put 99% into the relationship and they put 10%?
You have to ask all the time if the still love you and you can't remember the last time you did anything nice together.
He is no longer affectionate and I just feel like the relationship is at a dead end.
I'm always the one asking when he's free to see me ect.
Should I try just taking a few steps back and seeing if he tries with me again.
He used to be amazing and when we broke up and got back together again he was amazing but I feel as though that was a trap to lure me back in again.
Maybe if you don't feel loved, you are not and I simply need to walk away because one day somebody will make me happy

Or how do I see if I'm over thinking or being sensitive as he says? Is it just anxiety or should I listen to my gut instinct

Start by making yourself happy. What is your first step to happiness?

Now take it

Hi @SummerWhisper thanks for responding! I feel like I am happy the only thing sitting heavy in my mind is this situation! I don't know if I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill and we are just settled and I need to calm down or he really doesn't feel the same. I know the honeymoon period doesn't last forever but he is just so different!!

Go with your gut instinct. Walk away. You shouldn't feel another other than loved and valued in a relationship. It will never change. Cut your losses and move on.

**anything other, not another

@SeaGale thank you, I was thinking if I was loved then surley I would feel it at some point but I just feel like I'm giving and making somebody feel so loved and just getting nothing back at all

Everyone deserves someone who treats them right when they're in a relationship

@purpleme12 I agree, I just feel more like a burden than anything but I do struggle with MH so I didn't know if I was being sensitive but I really never feel love from him towards me

Hi @Lemonheaddd, it doesn't what other people think. What do you want? How do you want to be treated?

Write down the answers to the above questions and expand them further. It seems that your needs are not being met and your partner does not seem to care about that.

You seem lovely and deserve to be treated with respect.

{flowers}

I tried to send you some flowers 💐

Maybe if you don't feel loved, you are not and I simply need to walk away because one day somebody will make me happy

^^ I think you answered your own question there.

You may well be over thinking it a bit, but that doesn't change that you actually don't feel loved (if that makes sense).

Relationships go through ups and downs naturally, but you shouldn't be feeling like you do and your other half seems to be minimising your feelings by telling you that you are being sensitive.

Google "emotionally anavailable" and "avoidant".

(That would be him, not you)

What is it he’s no longer doing or saying that he used to do?

@Lemonheaddd, please do what @PicsInRed suggests and google dismissive avoidant and avoidant attachment styles. Then walk away. Don’t be me. You cannot change people, they are what they are, and your situation will become worse, I promise you. Good Luck.

Listen to what you wrote:

I put 99% into the relationship and he puts 10%
I have to ask all the time if he still love you and I can't remember the last time we did anything nice together.
He is no longer affectionate and I just feel like the relationship is at a dead end.
I'm always the one asking when he's free to see me ect.
I feel as though (him being amazing after leaving) was a trap to lure me back in again.
I'm giving and making somebody feel so loved and just getting nothing back at all
I just feel more like a burden than anything

This relationship is so very one-sided. You are just a convenience to him until someone better comes along. Of course you need to walk away.

But you already knew that. What is stopping you is your low self-esteem and your lack of boundaries. It isn't so much your needs not being met, but that you care craving for a love in an excessive, almost obsessive way.

And that's because you do not love yourself enough. So THIS is were you need to start. Because once you learn to love yourself, you'll also grow in self esteem, youll learn to distinguish between healthy needs and needy needs, and your boundaries will become strong enough to protect you from exploitative people like your current boyfriend.

Start with some self help books. WOMEN WHO LOVE TOO MUCH is a good one. But you woukd also benefit from counselling

I've been in your exact same position for at least 6 years.

My 2 main issues in my marriage were feeling unloved and no affection ever, not even during sex. All I ever wanted was to be loved, I know how sad that sounds.

I've been in a unhappy marriage for the majority of it, 16 years. He was my first boyfriend and I was young at the time so I had nothing to compare it too.

I was unhappy but my reasons for not leaving was the thought of being alone, a single parent and I couldn't be bothered to restart my life.

I've been looking for a way out for many years, recently I found some inappropriate text messages and I ended it.

I've also found someone else very quickly after my marriage ended, he's been in my life for a few years and I do feel it's too soon however I am so happy. I feel loved wanted and desired, it's actually made me realise just how unhappy I was and how much I was missing out on,

I've tried for years and years with my husband talking and hoping he could change I was always very open about my feelings. Things never changed.

The unknown is scary but honestly, life's too short to be unhappy.

1. What does it mean when you are feeling unloved?
2. He is no longer affectionate
3. can't remember the last time you did anything nice together.
4. I just feel like the relationship is at a dead end
5. I'm always the one asking
6. that was a trap to lure me back in again
7. one day somebody will make me happy
8. should I listen to my gut instinct
9. and just getting nothing back at all
10. I really never feel love from him towards me

What is the point of him OP?
Really? What exactly is good about this relationship?

You know what to do.
Your gut is already telling you what to do.
So do it.
Get out. Be free. Be happy.

Hi guys! Thank you for responding. I chose to walk away.
I can't tell you how much of my energy must have been going on caring about if somebody loved me.
Hopefully I have the strength to stick to my guns now and not take him back like I did last time however I can't see myself back with him and I do feel much more secure within myself now that I don't have to worry.

Thank you all so much for your kind words x

I feel like my gut was right and you guys helped me a lot, so thank you xx

You can do this.

But do read that book I suggested. It will definitely help you love yourself first.

I'm going to have a read, thank you so much x

I'd actually fous on how you are hoping that someday someone will make you happy.

Why can't you make you happy? Because no-one can be responsible for another person's happiness - that is the very road abusers go down. Of course, it's the same road you, as a codependent, go down, because you believe that you can make 'him' happy (whoever he is).

Learn how to make you happy. Let others make themselves happy. If your paths cross, great. If they don't - well, you are happy anyway.