Hi everyone, thank u so much for your answers, i feel support by reading ur words.
It’s awful feeling when u got nobody to turn to.
I knew my husband almost 12 years before marriage which was long friendship that turned into romantic relationship last 3 years. took me ages to just accept this marriage because of the age difference ( 18 years), and took him trips to my country.
My family and friends were not very supportive coz if age difference and that he had divorce twice with no children so my family were worried that he can’t get children and he is hiding from me that this was the reason of his divorce twice,
But I didn’t listen to anybody and told them that i’m going to prove they r all wrong.
That make me feel if i go back i will only hear blame not real support, and my situation will be more miserable. Even when i go through problems with him or fight i just keep it to my self i never shares with any of my family or friends for the reasons mentioned above.
Everybody then had worries that he would be jealous coz of age . I’m 32 he is 50 yo
, but within this year I didn’t actually see any over jealousy or controlling. He often encourages me to go out and enjoy myself.
And we hardly fight or argue.
But when arguments happend when he gets real mad within 1 year he raises that card of ( pack ur bags and go) which Can be kinda of Ok if he knows if i walk out even to stay away for while i will be safe. In my situation he says that especially when he knows I got no money at that moment. So he is kind of sure that leaving won’t happen coz i’m financially zero. And with no suppert even from his family, ( they were not really happy for the marriage too )if he think i got the facilities to make it happen he will never say it I believe. He is actually using his power over me to make me feel bad and helpless but he doesn’t mean it literally. But it is so hurtful and evil to know somebody is helpless and yet u do her this wrong and use her lack of support.
It's confusing when somebody u trusted will use his power and ur situation just to hurt you like this.
But to be fair he was good most of times, and kind helpful but kind of tight in pocket which i’m okay with as long as he beehive.
The argument was for so silly reason ( we argued about his overtime, which he ear very good money but still gonna go work night shift to please his manager even he can say no. And we have already spoke nicely hundred times that enough his night shift, and any over time should be during day shift if he has to, and i many times explained to him that i want this commitment for him to get better healthy life because we been trying to conceive and that’s what our doctor says that sleep is important before we go through any testing. But now i got to think Twice before Get any children involved).
I’m sorry i wrote so much details just to bring u closer to the situation.
And I'm going to answer some questions I read above.
-Does he control you in other ways :
Not really maybe financially yes coz he is tight when it comes to money even he earn very good money.
-do you work :
Not yet i’m willing to if I stayed here. after finishing my English courses.
- do you think he is building up for something by showing you his power over you:
Yes, I think he is stressed coz he is going through fertility tests after a little pressure from my GP and he is worried that they will think he is refusing me trying for a baby and not being supportive, trying to show his power coz he is worried about his results. Coz mine comes fine with no issues. But I was so supportive and ensured him that results won't change anything.
Is your name in mortgage or deeds: Not really. I got my name in some shared bank accounts. We got a house but decided to give for rent as we don’t need big place as we r just 2 so we moved to rental flat. My name in rental flat not in the house that he owns.
Thank u all for advices and the links u left for me in case I needed help.
It means a lot.