Met a guy on OLD nearly a year ago. It was brilliant in the beginning, always made an effort to spend time with me, get to know me, take me out for lovely meals etc. That lasted maybe four months, things have been rocky since then.
He can be very hot and cold at times, for example one week he will message constantly, call me in the evenings after work to chat, send sweet messages about how he misses me then the next week I'll barely hear from him (I'll message and he won't reply for say 3 days even though he's online). I mentioned it once and he said it was because he was busy but when I pointed out that he'd been online several times since, he accused me of being a stalker . It really doesn't bother me if he can't be bothered to reply but at least own it. I don't buy the whole bullshit story that he's busy when he's online all the time anyway, it takes two seconds to reply to someone and to me personally it comes across quite rude.
Last week I hadn't heard from him (we were halfway through a conversation) so I messaged him the next day to see if he was okay. He apologised and said that his nan had been taken into hospital and that he was stressing. I said not to worry and that I hoped he was okay, I lost my nan last year so understand how painful it is. I sent him a quick message the following day to say I was thinking about him (I really didn't expect a reply as I knew he would be busy and have other things on his mind) but just wanted to let him know that I cared and that I was there for him if he needed anything.
I decided to leave him for a few days to have a breather and I was busy myself with work and friends on the weekend. Four days had gone by and still no reply (even though he'd been online since then) so I sent him a quick message last night to ask how he was. We spoke briefly but he hasn't replied to my message from last night (again even though he's been online today).
I just feel a bit deflated by the situation if I'm honest. I appreciate people are busy and have their own lives but if he doesn't want to speak to me then why doesn't he just say? I also don't understand why he makes an effort one week and then not the next. It was only a week ago that he told me he missed me and wished we could cuddle up in bed together. It really winds me up that he constantly uses the "busy card" as well. Surely if he's busy then he wouldn't be on his phone anyway? I can't understand why he's online but just won't reply quickly if he's already replying to other people.
Looking back over the last year, I've realised that things have always been on his terms - when he's decided to make an effort, when he's decided to come down to see me, when he's decided to talk to me. It shouldn't be this hard surely? If he cares about me and misses me like he saids he does it should just come naturally right? Like it was in the beginning, but things have obviously changed and I don't understand why. He always saids he's not interested in anyone else, which I believe but maybe he's not interested in me either and just wants to be single and out with the lads? (Always with his mates, pretty much every night/weekend actually).
He was in a relationship before we met for around 5 years I think so possibly blowing off steam now? He said he wants to settle down and have kids (now 32) but I think he wants the single and carefree life too. I'm not sure? I'm honestly not a needy person or a stalker either. I have been single for nearly 4 years and quite enjoy my own company. I like to think I'm independent and don't rely on other people either as I work full time and live by myself. I just find him so hard to gage at times.
He's lovely in other ways but I feel like I'm always chasing him. Do I deserve better than this?