Red flags in other people's relationships

[BlingLoving]

I read lots of threads on here about emotionally, financially and physically abusive men. Once the woman starts to realise what's happening and seeks to escape a common theme is that when she starts talking to friends and family about what was happening, she's surprised by how many believe her. How many comment that they've been worried for a while etc etc.

Made me think. Without even trying I can think of three women with examples of things that for me, as an outsider, jump out as red flags.

1. The woman who having taken her kids to an (admittedly kid friendly) event that had been organised for just adults, couldn't go on for the spontaneous drinks/dinner because she "didn't know if Dh would be home." Not for work. It wasn't that she couldn't go, but that on a weekend she had no idea where he was or when he'd be home?

1. Same woman who is regularly late for things when Dh is looking after kids because he's late to get home.

1. The woman who has stopped going to gym and almost never sees friends unless she's with her DS because her DP "doesn't see me enough and wants to spend more time together" even though both are things she loves doing.

1. The woman who has a wealthy husband, is a SAHM but works in the evenings after the kids go to bed so that she can pay for her personal stuff like hair cuts and clothes. Because those are, apparently, her responsibility.

I haven't even had to THINK about these. They just popped into my head.

Am I the only one who sees these in friends/colleague/acquaintances' relationships?

Loads
A dad of one my dcs friends who confided that his partner sets him impossible tasks then screams and hits him when he doesn't deliver.
Dcs ex who threatened suicide when they arranged anything with their friends.
My friends ex who would join us for dinner out and call her names/belittle her all night. Then announce to her in front of us all at the end of the night that she would be having sex with him as soon as they got home.

My colleagues partner is verbally abusive and controlling, checks her phone and is very jealous. He was having an online emotional affair but she forgave him. She literally rescued him as a hopeless alcholic and supported him in sobering up. The thanks she gets is him referring to her as "a fat fucker", casually and in conversation to another friend. I tried to talk to her about leaving him, she accused me of trying to make myself feel better by putting her down. I give up. I just hope she wakes up to him before anything worse happens.