Overreacting??

[SarahLouise10]

Please tell me if I'm overreacting, it's a long story I will try to cut it short. Couple year ago now caught some inappropriate message from girl from my bf work. He didn't have his social media for long then deleted it. He changed jobs now got his social media back, same fb but new Insta. He has followed the girl and everyone else from his old job. Is this disrespectful or as he hasn't "anything to hide" okay?

You need to clarify

Did HE send messages ?
Or just her ?
What did they say? Did he reply or engage with her in any inappropriate way ?

sounds like he enjoyed the attention..

Very difficult to say OP. She sent him the messages, he didn't respond (?) and deleted his social media. A few years later he has reinstated social media and added 'everyone' from old job including her.

I'm wondering why this bothers you and what support you need as it's obviously causing you concern. From what you say there is nothing to worry about on the surface but, I'm wondering why it would bother you. Have you been cheated on before? Does he have form for cheating? Why are you so insecure that you have gone through everyone he has followed on Facebook and Instagram to check if he's followed her after two years?

Is there nothing better that you could do with your time and energy? You come across as insecure and needy, perhaps take up a hobby, exercise, social life, book club...anything other than chasing your tail over some messages a few years ago.

Someone with high self esteem would know that he'll lose you if he cheats and if that isn't enough to stop him cheating, then let him go.

They both sent messages, I have no confidence. I feel compared to these girls I'm a boring mum. Personally i wouldnt add any one my bf wasnt keen on out of respect. Don't know what answer I'm looking for here.. just feel like it's abit disrespectful :/

It's disrespectful regardless of whether or not he messaged back.

She disrespected your relationship by advancing on your man. He's now disrespecting this by reopening that door.

So he's added the girl he's cheated on you with? Erm no YANBU

I coudnt see all the message that were sent to each other. Not all of them were saved but the ones I saw were like I enjoy spending time with you etc. I don't think he done anything physical with her. But is exchanging message like this cheating? Not everyone thinks so. They certainly invested abit of time messaging each other.. Don't see why he feels the need to add her, he wudn't add any photos of me on his account. It Will always be our daughter. His excuse is hes not a photo person.

If they're inappropriate messages then yes it's cheating.

Tell him you're not comfortable with her seeing pictures of your DD.

Go and add lots of fit men and when oh says something say well how do u think I feel etc

Can you give examples of what you mean by "inappropriate" OP?

There's a lot of bandwidth between
"Hey sweets, did you have a good evening? Fancy a canteen lunch?"
And
"God the sunshine is making me horny. So frustrated right now lol"

I think it’s disrespectful