Attending a funeral with a newborn

[Crazydiamond106]

My grandad just died quite suddenly and unexpectedly. I’m also 39 weeks pregnant so expecting our first baby imminently...

We were very close but I think im currently shutting it out as I know I’ve got to be strong for the birth and new arrival..it’s a lot to take in at once! As we’re waiting on an autopsy the funeral is likely to be in a week or two. I’m stressing a little about what I should do if the baby has arrived at this point?

I feel like I need to be there to pay my respects and support my family but the thought of having to go anywhere if the baby is potentially only days old and I don’t yet know what I’m doing with feeding etc is quite overwhelming. I haven’t mentioned it to anyone yet as don’t want to seem selfish but not sure what I should do. I also don’t want baby crying or distracting attention away from the funeral.

I thought maybe as long as me and baby are ok my husband could wait outside in the car with the baby and I’ll just have to not attend the wake maybe? As this is my first baby I just don’t know what to expect so could just be worrying over nothing or do you think it’s best I don’t go?

I went to my nan's funeral with my 6 week old. I sat towards the back so I could take her out if she started crying. As it happens she slept the whole way through.

You're family know you are pregnant and are likely to have had the baby, I can't imagine any of them having an issue with you both attending the funeral.

*your family

People will understand, just be prepared to slip out if needed.

Don't they to plan it too much now. As you say, you really don't know what the earlymdays will be like. Tell your family that you'll be there if you can, but it's quite likely you will be unable and that you'll be there is spirit (and send DH to represent you). They'll understand.

But: if you are in OK shape, then go nice and early, sit in the car and see if your baby is calm/sleeping. If so, then you could go in, sit near the door and leave if there are signs baby is rousing. Or attend just the wake (where baby related disturbances alter far less). Normally it wouid be a bit off tomattend wake only, but I think in these circumstances it wouid be fine (esp if DH went to the service)

Go if you feel up to it. Don’t go if you don’t. But a new baby might be a lovely distraction for your family on an otherwise very sad occasion.

I attended my aunty's funeral when my dad was a couple if weeks old. I had to step out with him in the middle of the service because he started to cry, but I'm half I went.

*glad

I imagine that a newborn will be very welcome at both the funeral and reception afterwards. After the grief and mourning during the funeral most people shift in attitude towards celebration of life. A newborn symbolises that.

You will have lots of families there to support you.

I took a 4 week old baby to a funeral. He was mostly asleep and then on the tit when awake! I did leave the service briefly with him but it really wasn’t disruptive.

I would play it by ear. You could be in labour, struggling post partum or too anxious that you will go into labour if baby isn’t here to attend. Equally you could hopefully have a lovely birth, a chilled newborn and the three of you could sit in the back and sneak out if baby kicks off. People understand. Sorry about your grandad

I think you just need to wait until closer to the day to decide. You could be 41 weeks pregnant. You might have a 2 day old baby. No one could expect you to go to a funeral in the depths of winter with a teeny tiny baby. You might still be in hospital. Not going doesn't make you less close to your grandad or diminish how much you loved him.

I think if you feel up to it then your idea of your dh waiting in the car with the baby is a good one. With the wake it might be nice to take the baby for a while if you feel well enough.

Oh, love.
So sorry you lost your grandad at such a time.

Do what feels right on the day, taking everything into consideration. You just can’t know at the moment.

Sorry for your loss.

I don't think you can plan this so just see how it pans out. DD and I were still in and out of hospital when she was a week old so for us it would have been very very difficult to attend a funeral.

However, if everything goes smoothly, as long as you have really good support with you, I would have thought it would be manageable to attend the funeral. If you plan to. BF you'll still very much be establishing feeding so you will have to allow plenty of time in travel plans for that and be prepared to feed during the service (good way of keeping baby content!) and at any event afterwards. I wasn't shy about feeding in front of others but I know women who are who might have struggled to be out at a gathering of people in those early days.

See how you feel. You might feel up to going, you might not. FWIW I took 4 day old ds2 along to a family party for a couple of hours and it was fine - but I wasn’t sure if we would make it or not and it was only local.

I’m sorry for your loss x

Oh gosh that's hard, so sorry for your loss. My nan passed when ds was 11 days old. I wanted to go to the funeral but didnt want ds around all that sadness in the ceremony. It was summer so my pil kindly came to the venue and walked ds around outside during the ceremony then were able to hand him straight to me after.

I’ve twice taken babies to funerals, ds was about 6 weeks old at my grandmas and dd was 5 months old at dhs grandads funeral recently. Both were fine, the babies slept and only woke up once to feed. People were all very positive about it, as many have said it’s nice to have the distraction. Having said that, I’m not sure I’d have been up to a funeral in the first few days. Especially when hormones are likely to dip and you’ll be in the baby blues days. Mixed with grief I think id have struggled. All you can do is see how you feel on the day. I’m so sorry for your loss x

I took my month old DD to my grandfather's funeral. (Ex)H was on hand to take her out if she stirred during the service but she slept through it. Her presence at the wake brought a bit of happiness at a sad time.

I was at a funeral recently and one of the front row was a proper squishy. It was carried in arms but the pram was walked up and down the aisle with everyone else following the coffin.