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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What do I do

1 reply

littlehelpneeded · 21/01/2020 08:22

Hi,

I wasn't sure what section to put this under as I'm sure it could come under loads of sections. I really need some advice.

I just don't know what to do anymore.

I totally and utterly love my partner but we have just had the toughest time recently. I feel like he just doesn't understand me.

We went through a lot .. we was trying for a baby for 11 months and I fell pregnant. I then went on to misscarry just before 12 weeks. Honestly I was broken.

I then had a further 2 miscarriages and a ectopic pregnancy all within a year.

We spent a lot of time waiting around for the NHS tests which said nothing was wrong. I spoke to my partner and explained I really wanted to see a private doctor to which we have. This has cost us thousands and we are no closer to falling pregnant.

I've been on the treatment 5 months and I've not even had a hint of a line.

We was due to get married next year but now my partner has said he wasn't happy with where we was going to get married. I totally get this but he then asked to push the wedding back - he don't see how this made me feel. I feel like we need something to look forward to, we can afford it as long as both of us are careful with our money.

I'm worried now we will never be parents, we will never have that family unit.

I'm finding myself full of worry about my future but knowing there is also nothing I can do about it.

I'm not even sure what I am looking for here, I'm just a bit lost.

I badly want a family but we just aren't falling, he is getting more and more frustrated as time goes on.

I only have one tube which is why it could be taking so long and I'm also on a treatment plan which has steroids. I've read this can cause a delay / stop ovulation.

I really really don't know what to do. Do I carry on as normal and plan the wedding and completely take my mind off things?

Do I stop wedding plans and focus on getting pregnant ( if I do this I worry we won't have anything to look forward to)

It also doesn't help that people keep making comments about what I was like when we went through our hard time, they are constantly saying how bad I was and how I didn't handle things well.

My MIL made a comment this weekend about how " she has to take me on a daily basis"

This really hurt my feelings but my partner said nothing.. I wish people would stop making these comments.

Sorry if this is abit of a ramble, I don't even know what I'm asking for. Maybe I just need to write it down

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 21/01/2020 09:29

Do I carry on as normal and plan the wedding
No you don't.
Your DP has made it clear he wants to put back the wedding.
Don't plan anything.

Have you had counselling or therapy?
You really need to do some focusing on you.
You've been through a lot.
We all handle tough situations differently.
For now though, I'd honestly stop trying to conceive.
It's messing with your mental health.
You need to get back on even keel.
You sound very much all over the place.
Stop focusing on what you want long term and sort out your head short term.

You can then tackle other things.

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