I have name changed for this as I don't want my previous dating threads connected and opinions biased.
The relevant background is: I am late 30's, I have two little kids and I have been divorced for 4 years. I have tried dating here and there for half that time and got to the point where I see a pattern repeating when I get close to someone. FYI, I live abroad in XH country and XH cheated while I was pregnant.
There were three people I had some sort of relationship with.
Mr M: we met through work and the chemistry was intense since day one, he was smart, witty and so fun to be around that it quickly became daily texts and hanging out all the time. About 6 months into our BFF he asked for a date, we slept together, ... and what should have been an exciting wakeup was uncomfortable for me. More so when during the day he told me he wanted some time alone with me after work and he walked me to the tube and kissed me. It felt too "couple" and I got cold feet. I withdrew immediately.
Mr C.: Met OLD, had 4-5 great dates, became exclusive, had sex... Sex was very dissapointing (selfish) and I started to have doubts (2-3 months of dating). Nail in the coffin was when I had a cold, he brought me soup and then asked for sex. Sayonara, sex pest
Mr E: met OLD 3 months, ago. Nice man, single full time dad, few good qualities I value We
first kissed on date 8-9 and he asked me to be his girlfriend. No sex yet, but he has said the L word and is behaving like we are in a proper relationship (that we are!), ie, trying to meet at least once a week (we both have kids, live far away), calling, saying nice things (I miss you, I would like to hear your voice, asks about my day, etc). And here I am again, feeling he is too full on, overwhelmed, and indeed been defensive/pushing him away. Tonight I was telling him how I solved a problem with a frozen lock, he made a dumb comment about leaving doors open and I just had enough of our conversation. For a bunch of dates he convinced me he is smart, but coincidentally, the two times we have met as "bf/gf" I rolled my eyes up at his comments, I don't find him as attractive physically and I even rejected kissing.
I understand that it is early and it is normal if I liked him at 2 months but not at 3. But I also see what I think it is a pattern of behavior and I wonder if it is a coincidence and I am reading too much into it or I may have some commitment issue (of which I am not conciously aware)