Picking arguments over everything

[amazedmummy]

I've been with DH 9 years, married for 5. We have an 8 week old DS. We have had arguments along the years but nothing huge or overly frequent. I understand that sleep deprivation is making us both unreasonable but DH doesn't.

Every single thing that comes out of my mouth seems to spark an argument. For example DH has been doing the lions share of night feeds as he wasn't working and seemed to want to. Now that he has a new job I said I obviously would take over most if not all. Due to the way our bedroom is set out DS's crib is next to DH. By the time I'm out of bed to get to him DH has picked him up and is saying he'll get it. All I said in response was "if you want to or if you want to go back to sleep just give him to me" that started a huge thing about how I was criticising the way he fed him and he could do it. Not what I said at all. Another option I gave was that if he missed actually feeding him he could do that if he wanted and I could get him back to sleep (this can be tricky as he likes a cuddle and if you're tired it's really easy to dose off holding him. DH has done this twice now and it's scared the crap out of me. That's also me criticising.

I've been diagnosed with PND and I'm getting help with it but I feel in the thick of it just now and I'd appreciate some emotional support, I had booked a sensory class for DS today and was late in leaving the house, DH was at home as he had a late start. By the time I got there I was late and there was absolutely nowhere to park so I had to turn around and come back home. I was really upset as I feel like I've been letting DS down over and over again. DH told me to "get over it, it's just a baby class" now while I appreciate he was right that wasn't helpful to me at all.

We always got on well before, I grew up with parents that argued and then separated and that isn't what I wanted for my child at all. I really felt like I'd found someone who I could build a strong family with. I'm worrying that things might not be at stable as I'd hoped.

Sorry for the long post.

Having a baby is a huge shock to the system. Have you and DH managed to have any time out alone together yet? I recommend that...if you could leave DS with someone for say two hours, go and have lunch out.

Also...swap sides of the bed?

Either move the cot or swap sides of the bed, this will at least enable you to be primary night time feeder and take some of martyrdom away from him.

I think you need a discussion on how sleep deprivation is hard and how you each need to be kind to each other and you need more emotional support. He needs to take a step back and think before he speaks. You're willing to help him get more sleep, how is he going to support you?

Having a baby is a huge strain, get couples counselling before it gets any worse

@BillHadersNewWife because of the shifts that DH works there's nobody who could watch him while he's off. My mum would have him but she's off at the weekend, DH is off during the week.

@Modestandatinybitsexy there's no room to move the cot and apparently he "won't be able to sleep" on the wrong side of the bed.

@Weffiepops to be honest we don't really have the money just now as DH being out of work has really eaten up what I had saved. Plus he doesn't think it'll work, I'm pretty sure it would but that's just somewhere else I'm wrong.

I don't think I can continue olive like this