Craving my old life

[Helenj1977]

I used to be very independent. Had my own home, filled with my furniture, a great job and it was just me and my 2 children.

Now, I live in dps house, my furniture has gone, I decided to give up my job, we have a baby together and I'm miserable.

I want my old life back. I want my little house and my furniture. I want my children to be proud of me not just think I may home don't nothing.

I want to be on my own again.

I'm trapped though. I have nothing. What can I do?

'Just me and my older two'

Are you having trouble bonding with this little one OP? It sounds like pnd to me.

I would see if there's any support in your area for this and you might find yourself in a better position for making steps to create a new life you love.

I agree it seems like you are maybe just unfulfilled with being a SAHM. Don’t understand the people on here trying to turn the Dp, who OP has only described as a “lovely man” into some kind of abusive dickhead!

It’s easy to look back with rose tinted spectacles when things feel a bit shit in your life. Maybe remind yourself of the reasons you moved in with your DP In the first place. Presumably there were reasons you were happy to leave your old life behind?
I sometimes do this, I think back to when it was just me and ds in our little flat - hardly any housework, I worked in an office and had enough money to just about get by! But...it was in a dodgy area and I started to feel unsafe and I was lonely sometimes.
Now I have a big house to look after and I don’t work which I find boring sometimes - ultimately I wouldn’t go back to the way things were though. I like living in a nice area, in a nice house with my hardworking and loving dh.

I'd agree that pnd may be a part of what's going on. You should get checked out.

But regaining your independence will be good for you generally. A gilded cage is still a cage, and it's suboptimal to be dependent financially and for housing on a man you're not married to.

No-one's trying to make him an abusive dickhead, it's trying to understand why op has given up so much to find herself in a quite vulnerable position. It's no good giving a certain type of advice if it turns out that there is abuse.

For a start, go out and look for furniture that suits you. I've got some new furniture but a lot of mine is old - inherited, bought from friends, secondhand. It has personality. Matchy-matchy can be overwhelming. Recreate something of what you had. Make your home yours.

sabine that’s a good point - when I moved in with DH he had a few bits of ikea furniture and that was about it. It took about 5 years for me to finally get our house looking the way i wanted, you can’t feel at home with someone else’s furniture.
OP - why not suggest going furniture shopping? Men generally don’t have a clue about interior design or making a house feel like a home.

Meant to add that many of us miss our old pre-children lives.

I still miss my old life, flat, job, small car, independence, partying, 14 years later!

I remember feeling 'trapped' in suburbia when mine were 6 months old and we bought a house together.

But things can improve. Job, childcare, re-housing puppy and a cleaner if need be (or lowering of standards in our case!)

I would’ve thought housework and a 13 m old baby would’ve been enough to occupy anybody

Going to work was my break from the monotony and having my own headspace.

Why on earth would you take perfectly good furniture to the tip? What a waste. Why didn't you use any of it in the new house?

Whose idea was it to get a puppy?

Op, do you love him? If it felt more like your home and you were less bored, would you want to be with him? That's qn. no 1.

If no, then you need to work on an exit strategy. Is there anywhere you can all go, or would he go and leave you in the house? Could you afford it with maintenance? Do you get anything from the idler kids Dad? It isn't fair on any of you to stay out of a sense of "well I HAVE to see it through"

If yes, you need to work on a settlement plan. Go back to work, part time, full toem, evenings, weekends, whatever. Or study, OU or local college? Did he choose all the decor? Can you afford to redecorate and inject more of you in it? Tell him it doesn't feel like your shared home, tell him your fed up of being at home full time, tell him he needs to do his share of the housework and child care, and pay his half of the child care so you can work again.