Slipped boundaries with friend, now he's ghosting

[teelizzy]

Please be gentle, I'm not seeking approval but trying to make sense of a situation.

I've been friends for three years with a man I originally met through work. We no longer work together but meet up every couple of months and exchange messages now and then - every couple of weeks on average.

I've been conscious of boundaries from the start - we're both married - and yes there has always been some attraction and an emotional connection. Never lied or dissembled about where I am or who I'm meeting, or exchanged messages I wouldn't want someone else to read. He's also someone who while I do find him attractive, I would never if I were single see him as someone I'd want to be in a long term relationship with. But someone I like a lot and love spending time with.

Went out for drinks a month ago and in the course of the evening he told me that he was really attracted to me physically and asked to kiss me. I did. (This played out over a couple of hours, will spare the details)

This has turned me upside down, I've successfully kept away from situations like this for over 20 years. I don't want to have an affair, especially with someone who's married. But have a long marriage with a loving but emotionally distant man with nowhere near as much sex as I'd like. I'm peri-menopausal, greying and a bit fat and acutely conscious of how vulnerable it's made me and cross I don't see it coming.

We spoke a couple of times afterwards, agreed that it goes no further and that we put it behind us. I can now see he's uninstalled WhatsApp and am guessing it's to distance me.

Should I just accept that the friendship's blown and move on? That there isn't going to be any closure?

The short answer to your last question(s) would be yes. I for one will not lambaste you for what you've done. No judgment from me, OP. There, got that out of the way.
What I would try to remember is that he's not 'ghosting' you because he's appalled by you or he's suddenly decided that you're an unattractive person after all. Nothing like that. It's not personal. He's just being pragmatic and simply trying to do the right thing. Allow him this. Neither of you wants to risk losing everything.
There's just no telling whether or not a friendship will survive this. Unfortunately, that's not in your power to know right now. My assumption would be that it won't survive and you'll just have to try and move forward from this.

Could he have blocked you?

Thanks Vanguard, your words are much appreciated. I think he's more than a bit mortified by what he's done. And sadly, I did think that the answer was yes to both questions.

loveyoutothemoon - no, not blocked - I can still see his profile pic and contact information and last seen. The last couple of messages I sent only have a single tick rather than the double tick you get when they're delivered.

I've never heard the phrase 'slipped boundaries' before. It's very passive, OP. Crossed boundaries is more accurate.

You both did something wrong, he obviously regrets it is now moving on. You should do the same. And try to sort yourself out so you're no longer cheating as a way to try and raise your self esteem. If your marriage is unhappy, leave! Life's too short to spend moping after men.

My guess is that you were having an emotional affair through WhatsApp and it progressed to physical with the kiss. At this point, a figurative bucket of cold water went over him.

He decided to save his marriage - as he should.

The end.

Pics, not an emotional affair. I'm clear on that, really clear. But thanks anyway.

He is ghosting? He is trying to save his marriage and you should be focusing on your own.

I don’t think I’d describe it as ghosting as such. You both crossed a line and looks like he’s trying to make sure it doesn’t get crossed again. If you truly don’t want an affair then yes I’d say it’s best to accept contact with him is over.

Ukgift (and others) believe that I have been focusing on what I need to work on/sort out at home, I know this is part of what blindsided me.