I’ve been saving to buy a house later this year and my mum has always said she would help with some of the deposit (£5,000). Obviously this is a massive help and I am grateful.
We do not have a close relationship however and she has been abusive and I’m pretty sure is narcissistic in some ways. I tolerated her and maintained a relationship. Over the last year I’ve decided to lower contact but still see her about 2-3 times a month.
She always talks about money, especially how much she has. She doesn’t work and is very wealthy and she has always said and boasted to many people that she would help with my house deposit.
The house deposit is £25,000 so her help is again very much appreciated.
Now it is time to give me the money she has started to stall and finally called me and said she’s having financial difficulty due to an unexpected bull but that she’s taken out a loan to pay my deposit.
I was shocked that this is the case as she often boasts that she is a millionaire (no joke). And said no that I didn’t want her to take debt out for me.
Now I feel awkward. She said it’s done and not to worry. Last time I seen her she got the loan documents out to show me her repayments etc. And every time I see her she brings up the loan.
I now feel awful taking the money as 1. She’s in debt. 2. Our relationship is nonexistent. But also I tried to cut contact when I was about 14 due to physical violence & police involved but she blackmailed me and said I’d lose out on all her help (financially). I didn’t live with her at this time.
As an aside she offers no help in terms of childcare or general life support.
Am I awful to accept this money when she’s in debt now? Or do I accept the money?
I almost see it as a way of manipulating me into being oh so thankful for this and to feel guilty for accepting. Which I am but she wants me to be that bit more thankful.