Need advice urgently

[notaregularmom]

I've ended the relationship with my children's father because I've falling out of love with him which is really sad but it is what it is.
He's heartbroken and is pleading with me to go over to his and talk. My minds made up I don't want to get back with him I don't see a future together but he pleading with me to talk to him. I've said if I get time before I pick the kids up I'll pop in but my minds made up and He's not going to change it.

We've been together 8 years, I care for him a lot but it's not enough for me to want to be with him. We argued a lot and I hated him before he moved out in September. He moved out so we could have some space and see if we wanted to work on it, but since he's been gone I've been much happier and realised I don't love him anymore.

I need some advice about how I should be/talk to him, I'be only agreed to see him because I know what it feels like to have your heart broken and be desperate to talk to that person, I can't be mean to him he's a good man and a great father and I feel like I owe it to him and need to talk to him face to face

At this point I would suggest that you remain calm, as objective as possible and be very clear. Do not get drawn in to emotions. Tell him there are practical issues that will need to be resolved - now isn't the time to do that - and arrange a time when you can speak again. Keep the meeting short.

Thank you, I'm so nervous. What should I do about him contacting to see the kids? I just know he's going to text and want to know how the kids are and then once I've replied start with the emotional stuff and I don't have any answers for him

Answer honestly.
You've written it here.

'I don't love you'
'I'm happier without you'
'I don't want to be with you'
'I will never want you back'
'I don't see any future with you'
'I hated you before you moved out. It's much better this way as I don't hate you when you aren't here'

Right so firmly does it!

Is it normal to feel really sad and down when your the one doing the breaking up? I've never done this before I'm normally the one being dumped we've got history together and the happy memories of the kids being born. Breaking up just finalises it

I agree with @hellsbellsmelon be firm.

I split with my ex last jan after over 10 years. he still messages me now, 1 day it will be to try again, another it will be to say what he thinks of me for splitting up. I tend now to ignore most of his messages as they dont go anywhere except in a circle. say ur peace and dont keep repeating it if he keeps asking.

re guilt, I felt really guilty even tho it had been over for years. I still feel bad about it now but I know it really was for the best.

Be kind and remember what it feels like to be dumped. There are numerous threads on Relationship board where women have been dumped (and the blokes get a hammering usually) and are asking “ but why” and “ he won’t try to fix it” “ won’t go to counselling” and I’m not saying you need to do any of those things but you might want to think about what the answers to those types of questions might be.

Thanks guys it went ok apart from the fact he's not accepting it's over and that I don't love him anymore. He's now finding ways to win me back