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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Teenage break up

12 replies

Betty1601 · 20/01/2020 10:09

My daughter is 15 and has been in a relationship for 10 months with someone at her school they have just broken up and she is beside herself I am struggling to deal with her pain and have been violently sick had panic attacks and am struggling to know what to do for her. My husband has been amazing with her taking her out and making her laugh but it is when she is with me at night she breaks down and all the words I say can’t take her pain away

OP posts:

3rdchristmaslucky · 20/01/2020 10:11

Ah, sweety, you're doing what you need to be doing. Your husband is taking the active role in making her feel better. She needs you to make her feel heard.
Keep listening, make her a hot chocolate, tell her everything is going to be okay, cuddle the living shit out of her.

First heart break is... Heartbreaking. But it gets easier.

mdh2020 · 20/01/2020 10:18

I think we can all relate to your 15 year old. I can certainly remember being in a similar state after a break up . So was my daughter when she was at uni. There is absolutely nothing you can do to ‘take the pain away’. She will have to work through it and gradually it will ease. The difficulty for her is that they are at the same school. Breaking up at any age is never easy. She is very lucky to have you and your husband as her parents. One day, like Taylor Swift, she will be able to sing ‘I forgot that you existed’ but for the moment she won’t believe that day could ever come. Take it gently, plan some nice things to do together - home facials, movie night - and make sure that her school work doesn’t suffer. You may want to contact her HoY just to tell them what is going on so they can keep an eye on her at school. I hope she has supportive friends at school.

Sunflowersok · 20/01/2020 10:20

I hope this isn’t too shabby of advice for a teen but there’s some podcasts called them single woman’ by Mandy hale which really helped me a few years back. It’s very for female empowerment and booting self esteem and the works. It might be a good distraction for her whilst the pain is raw

skiptheskip · 20/01/2020 10:23

I am struggling to deal with her pain and have been violently sick had panic attacks and am struggling to know what to do for her

I think you need to take your lead from your DH because your reaction is definitely not normal and perhaps you should consider that your extreme response is making her worse.

Lozzerbmc · 20/01/2020 10:34

I’m sure we can all remember teenage heartbreak. Its horrible. I think your reaction is a bit extreme to be honest - you cant fix this or take away the pain. Its good to listen to her but you can act positively as well to make her feel better. How about a girls shopping trip at wknd to cheer her up?

Original poster

Betty1601 · 20/01/2020 12:48

Maybe I am being a bit extreme but before she got with this boy she was getting into loads of trouble at school nearly expelled mixing with the wrong people and there was nothing we hadn’t tried to help her. He turned her around and she became the girl she was before. Not only that she was in hospital for three days last week with a severe kidney infection and he dumped her the day after he had been to see her bringing her chocolates and a teddy. I think my reaction has been brought on by all of this the worry of hospital being immense. I have spoken to the school and they are being very good and keeping an eye on her today. I am fine with her and she doesn’t see me get upset or anything it is just when I am
Not she is constantly on my mind I try to keep busy but I walk past a chair and just sit in it and think and get upset again

OP posts:

Whynosnowyet · 20/01/2020 12:50

Remember to not agree when she calls him allsorts.
If they get back together she could hold it against you...

Dozer · 20/01/2020 12:50

Sorry your DD, and you, have had a rough time recently.

HE didn’t “turn her around”: don’t put that kind of pressure on teen relationships!

Original poster

Betty1601 · 20/01/2020 12:55

I also have another daughter in the middle of her a level mock exams and a husband who works in tax and is extremely stressed due to end of jan deadlines and is very black and white about things so doesn’t quite understand my emotional state. It is all happening at once

OP posts:

AlexaShutUp · 20/01/2020 12:56

OP, it sounds like you were maybe a bit overinvested in this relationship. It's natural to feel upset for your daughter but vomiting and panic attacks are a massive overreaction. I understand that you've had a stressful time with her being in hospital but you need to work on being calm and stable for your dd. Upsetting as it is, this really isn't the end of the world for your dd and she will be able to manage without him. If you don't believe that, how will she?

Lozzerbmc · 20/01/2020 13:00

Thats rough circumstances for him to end it, when she is unwell in hospital! But i agree with PP she has turned things around not just because of him, but I can totally understand your worry for her.

Perhaps she needs something nice to focus on and to look forward to in the near future. She needs to keep busy. Hope she has some nice friends to support her too

ChuckleBuckles · 20/01/2020 13:59

He turned her around and she became the girl she was before

That is a lot of pressure on a teenager, and he may have felt in over his head and scarpered. I think you need to downplay this a bit, maybe have some of her friends around for pizza and film night, have her do stuff out and about. talk to her about how this kind of stuff is part of growing up and learning what kind of person she would like to be with and what they add to her life.

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