How do you leave someone that you love?

[littlepeaegg]

I am in my early thirties and partner is 11years older. We have been together for nearly 4 years. I have a son who is 8 from a previous relationship where the father is absent.

I love my partner so much. He's very caring and supportive in his own way. But I'm not happy and I don't think I have been for a while now. I've just been suppressing it.

But this is my first proper relationship I have ever had. Long term wise etc. I feel so bad and I don't want want to hurt him but I feel like our relationship has run its course?? I don't know what to do. I'm not sure why I'm even writing this really I just need to speak to someone x

Can you say why you feel it’s run its course?

Yes. I'm sexually not interested anymore. At all. There's only so many times I can say I feel sick or tired to avoid it... that's the main issue.

I think we both want different life paths. I want to get married. Buy a house. Have a baby. He keeps moving the goal posts for these things further and further every time I mention it. Or he changes the subject.

He's just about to spend £40k on an item, but in my eyes we should be using that for a deposit on a house as we rent at the moment?

We feel like we are best friends/siblings

Then you focus on why you are doing it and the life you need to build for yourself.

You are on different paths now. If this can’t be resolved by communicating then it’s time to move on. Sometimes I think we get so wrapped up in the Cinderella story of happy ever after we fail to realise some relationships have a short shelf life. It’s ok to move on from a relationship that has run its course. It’s time to find someone who is on the same page as you. They are out there, you need to make that break and spread your wings to find that person. It’s ok to do that, don’t blame yourself or feel guilty, this is what it is. Good luck x

Doesn't sound like a good relationship to me, OP.

You have to value your own feelings above his feelings. Anyway, you know he doesn't see a future with you so he won't be that hurt, will he? Do you know how to end it? Practically speaking, who moves out, do you have shared assets etc?

No it won’t be easy, yes you have to leave.

No, I can move in with my dad for short term as he has the space for myself and son. No joint assets at all. Would be a clean split.

I do love him dearly and I don't know how to do it. This has been my first ever relationship you see. I really don't want to hurt him, it's so hard

Put yourself first. Believe me, if he's spending £40K on something for himself then he's putting himself first. No need for both of you to do that.

Tell him you can stay friends, but that you have different goals in life and so you're off.

Sort your stuff out and let your dad know first. Make sure ds is out the house. Sit him down and tell him it's not working, etc etc you want different things, you are leaving.

Are you on the rental agreement?

£40k on something when you don't have a house

He's moving goal posts and you're not happy. It's time to end it. You can move on, build the life you want with your son and meet someone else. Don't waste anymore time....

Yes. I'm sexually not interested anymore. At all. There's only so many times I can say I feel sick or tired to avoid it... that's the main issue.

Could it be the issues you go on to describe after are actually the main issue, and this, in turn, is causing your lack of sexual interest?

So him wanting to spend this considerable sum of money on himself somehow instead of sharing the money with her (by buying a house together?) makes him deeply selfish, and this selfishness has caused her to lose desire? I don't think so judging by her posts.

Firstly, I don't think he's obligated to spend any of this money on her if he doesn't want to, since they don't have kids together and she's not dependent on him I think. Secondly, I get the impression this lose of desire came considerably before this issue with the money. The relationship has simply run its course.