How much do you compromise?

[Januarysucks]

I have been single a while and thinking I am bored alone. Have spent half my day on MN! But the longer I'm single the more difficult it is to consider sharing lots of time with someone.

I recently considered a relationship with someone I got on really well with. There were a number of things I found problematic.

One issue that I felt unsure about was that while we broadly agreed on politics there were some disagreements over things which matter to me, particularly feminist issues.

Are there others that feel personal values really matter in terms of compatibility? Do I need to be more open minded?

OP It probably depends on how much you value each subject, how much you disagree and how they discuss the disagreement.

If, for example, they don't think the gender pay gap is real and you do, but they still talk respectfully when you state your opinions, could you live with that?

If you've been single a while, it may be worth trying to see where your boundaries are in a relationship.

My ds thinks that and I still have to live with him!

' Have spent half my day on MN! '

You say that like it's a bad thing. :)

'One issue that I felt unsure about was that while we broadly agreed on politics there were some disagreements over things which matter to me, particularly feminist issues.

Are there others that feel personal values really matter in terms of compatibility? Do I need to be more open minded?'

Everyone's priorities are different. Someone's politics wouldn't put me off (except if they were majorly anti-feminist.) I voted Remain but would have no problem going out with a Brexiteer.

Some people are more bothered than me about someone's politics (my mum hates any trace of someone being 'Right Wing') some are less.

There is no 'wrong' where someone's priorities (values as in what they value) are concerned. These are just things you see as important- you don't have to change that unless you for some reason want to. xx

Values matter but specifics can vary. So if you believe women and men should be treated equally - then you want a partner who also believes this. But you might be able to differ over whether you agree that positive discrimination is required at Senior Board Level.

I value honesty, being trustworthy, working hard, caring for all living things, etc etc So my partner has to have these values too. But the specifics of exactly what we believe might be different.

I struggle with this I think. I'm very good at being relaxed about difference early on in relationships but the longer I am with someone if it's a serious relationship I think the less tolerant I get - whether that is domestic trivia such as how tidy the other person is or bigger issues to me like eating or not eating meat or attitudes towards education or work. But I think this is my undoing and perhaps I am just not flexible enough on a long-term basis. I think close living with someone else with different ways and views is not easy.. I worry that as a successful competent person with reasonably strong views, albeit I enjoy discussing things, it's difficult to find a permanent partner I feel compatible with, so would like to learn how others do this! I think it's more than just views but also preferences for ways of living! I suppose there would be a few deal breakers in terms of views - religion probably being a major one. I think for me it would be impossible to be with someone who is very religious as that would be so fundamental to their identity.

"You say that like it's a bad thing." I realised after I posted that I was possibly insulting fellow posters to say I'm here because I'm bored! Oops. I love MN but would really have enjoyed a bit of actual adult company this weekend.

These responses are really helpful. I'm wondering if it was about how he disagreed with me rather than disagreeing itself, he tends to tell me how things are rather than discuss.

But it's useful anyway to stop and have a think about what actually matters and whether it is the specifics.

My exH and I had similar opinions on everything. Difficult to imagine being with someone with different views and interests.