I have name changed as don't want this connected to previous posts. Sorry this is long.
DH and I have been together for 10 years. We have 1 DC who is 3 and another on the way.
DH has a history of lying and hiding things (never anything like cheating etc) surrounding money/debt. He's built up a lot of debt and kept it from me until I have gone looking at his statements or phone and discovered it. Over the past couple of years I have discovered a loan for about £8k and credit card with £6k on that had not been paid for some time. This was on top of other debt that we have jointly. The last time something came out was about 9 months ago (the CC), he promised that was absolutely everything, that he'd sort things out and make sure everything was paid, and that we would both put all our money into our joint account and everything would be paid from there so I knew everything was paid and how much money we had left over. At this same time I started opening his bank statements and hiding them from him, he never even noticed. Now, I know this is wrong (and please don't say it's illegal to open someone else's post, because I had no intention to commit theft or fraud so is an invalid point) but I wanted to keep an eye on things, as he hadn't changed some direct debits over despite saying he would, and didn't hand over his cards, again despite saying he would. Everything was ticking along ok, until December when he didn't pay his credit card bill again, despite going through a big pallava with the credit card company to agree new repayment terms etc. He was also left with £135 balance which was 1 not enough for the credit card payment and 2 not enough for another £320 payment due to come out this month. I didn't say anything as I wanted to see if he would say anything or how be would pay it. He also started using another credit card as the minimum payment started coming out his account again. Don't know why as between us we should have a fair bit of disposable income, he just seems to spend it on crap, coffee, lunch etc (definitely no drinking/gambling/prostitutes before that gets suggested). So Januarys statement came about 2 weeks ago, and again showed the bill was not paid. I didn't say anything straight away but was kept up all night worrying and going over in my head what I would say, how he was going to react etc (normally very defensive/angry). The next morning he received a letter from the credit card company saying he owed them £400+ for missed payments, he seemed bewildered and said he'd had the money in his account and they must have cancelled his direct debit. He seemed sure he'd paid December and checked his online banking to discover he hadn't. I am convinced he only told me what the letter said as I was sat right next to him and saw who it was from, otherwise he'd have ripped it up saying it was nothing and binned it as he has done before. I then admitted what I had done and he hit the roof. He then refused to speak to me for nearly a week. When he did finally talk to me, he said he was sorry for not talking to me about things but he was still sure he'd paid the bill and had enough in his account (not true). He also managed to change all his direct debits into the joint account in 1 day, after months and months of me asking him to. He then said we obviously can't trust each other but did acknowledged that my actions are a result of his actions, and how much anxiety I get over debt and money worries. He said things will take time to get back to normal and learn to trust each other again. Since then he has still barely spoken to me, is still sleeping on the sofa, is being snappy with DC and just generally quite uncaring towards me. His mate rang him to go and play football this morning, he said no my ankle hurts about 10 times, really being resistant to going, then as soon as he put the phone down and I ask him to do me a hot water bottle (back pain), he said actually I'm going to go to football, gone to get changed and fucked off out leaving me feeling like utter shit looking after DC. We've text back and forth a bit and he's saying he doesn't feel like being intimate/normal with me and things will take time. I said time also takes effort and if you're not actively doing anything to sort things out they're not going to get better. He's basically said my choices are put up with this (being ignored etc) or make a decision i.e leave. Now I feel like he is pushing me to end things which I don't want to do and said as much. He said I have a choice. I said I don't, I either put up and shut up or leave and I don't want to do either. I told him to just end things if that's what he wants cos if he's not going to put effort into making things better then it's dead in the water. He thinks hoping they will improve is enough. I don't know where we go from here. I'm really angry at him now and know he is still angry at me. But we've got through this all before, and he's always been so apologetic after and trying to make things up to me, knowing he is in the wrong. But this time I feel like he hates me now. Any advice? And please don't just tell me to LTB as that's just not helpful.