Justification for leaving husband re children

[Namey32]

Regular poster with name change

My H has had a few chances to be faithful, but finds it pretty hard not to chat up random women on line. For some reason. He's not slept with anyone else, but I'm sure it's a matter of time that he will before I catch him again at some point.
He knows that he's out of chances if there's another time so he might keep this nose clean. I nearly threw him out when I last found out.
But I couldn't face tearing my children's world apart. I felt like it was me breaking apart our marriage, not him.
Theyre so little, they don't deserve this. But then I don't deserve the disrespect of being cheated on. Can anyone give me any words of wisdom please? How did you deal with this kind of thing?

OP you cannot put your happiness on the back burner for them that doesnt help them at all. You would not be breaking up your marriage it is already broken

Posting is probably another step closer to ending your relationship. I was in a similar position and I just got to the point where I had had enough. Your children will be fine and much happier with a happy mum. If you can coparent apart happily that's the main thing. You are worth more and you don't have to live a life constantly waiting for him to chat up the next random. Good luck

Every day is his chance to be faithful. It's not hard. it's not a challenge. It's the bare minimum.

You aren't tearing your children's worlds apart. He is. Everything is on him. He even has you believing his bullshit that staying faithful is hard for him.

What do you want? If it's to tolerate his cheating for the sake of the DC, go for it. If it's a relationship based on mutual kindness, trust and respect, you're going to have to look elsewhere because he's got no plans to change.

Ffs, he needs to go! You're not in a healthy relationship. If you had a daughter in the same situation as you are, what would you tell her to do?

The younger your kids are, the easier it is on them to divorce ime.

Being faithful is such a simple requirement of a relationship and he can't even do that ffs Has he made any changes to stop his behaviour like getting rid of his smartphone etc?

You do not deserve this from him either.

What do you want to teach your children about relationships and what are they learning here from you two?. Staying with him for them is really no reason to stay at all and whose sake would you be staying for; theirs or more truthfully yours because its somehow "easier" which it is not. You are also not fully emotionally available to your kids either at this time because you are preoccupied with your H and what he is doing.

He has caused all this to disintegrate by his actions. Its no reflection on you as a person, this is all on him. Divorce is not failure, but living in unhappiness is. Divorce, in and of itself, need not be harmful to children. It is the adversarial and contentious process of divorce, if continued, that may wreak damage. Yet research indicates that most children adapt to their new circumstances within a few years. Having two parents successfully move forward with their lives teaches an invaluable lesson: that we deserve to be happy and to feel loved. Conversely, remaining in relationships that perpetuate anger, devaluation, and lack of positive interactions leaves an indelible scar on children.

I'm a child of divorce and it really isn't the world shattering experience some people seem to think it is. It's an exaggeration. 50% of children come from divorced families - trust me, we cope fine.

Do not put up with being treated badly just to live a martyr's life. Your children will not thank you for it in the future.

My question is about your DH’s attitude to it. Does he know it’s wrong and hurtful, and more importantly is he getting help to change his behaviour?

I went through a rough patch with DH on similar lines when we had small DC and he sought help. 7 years of therapy later we are in a totally different place but I only stuck with him because he was proactively seeking support and wanted to change.

Thank you for your replies everyone. I have been reflecting between daily life/work.

@FudgeBrownie2019

He even has you believing his bullshit that staying faithful is hard for him.
Oh, that's not something he's actually said, that was just a glib way of me putting it. I think it is just a defence mechanism for me to try and be glib about it - maybe it will hurt less that I'm cast over in favour of some random woman?

Of course I don't want to tolerate cheating. I'm just having trouble with accepting that I've picked badly again.

I've been married before, married far too young at 22, and he became abusive. Divorced at 24. And now what, divorced again before I'm 35.

@soontobe60 - I'd tell her exactly what everyone is telling me.

I can't bear the thought of potentially only having my children 50% of the time though. They're my world. Its bad enough having to leave DC to work

@doritosdip

Has he made any changes to stop his behaviour like getting rid of his smartphone etc?
He'd never get rid of it. It was generally done over FB messenger. I did have a look on there when he was asleep the other night but there was no sign of anything more. But is he just getting better at hiding it? Possibly so. He also appears to be an avid user of Snapchat and Kik. But I can't see from his phone what he's up to on Snapchat. There was anything on Kik, just empty 'conversation' boxes. I don't know how they work though, I don't use either.
I have thought about couples counselling, as I've never been able to get an answer from him about why he feels the need to chat up randoms online. He knows he's destroying my trust each time and each time he swears he will never do it again. But even if he doesn't, I'm struggling to put to the back of my mind that it's happened several times before.

@AttilaTheMeerkat - thank you, this really has given me something to reflect on.

@Waxonwaxoff0
I'm a child of divorce and it really isn't the world shattering experience some people seem to think it is. It's an exaggeration. 50% of children come from divorced families - trust me, we cope fine.

Thank you. I am too. I always wondered why they didn't divorce sooner, because of how they argued.

@GrumpySwivelHead
He does. He never even has an answer to why or whats the issue between 'us' that he has to go elsewhere.
In an ideal world, he'd completely stop it an I'd be able to trust him again.

He won't leave me for one of them, I'm pretty sure. He has an easy life really. I do most things because it's easier/he doesn't help with the mental load much. Or actual load tbh. He's making an effort received though I must admit - cooking, spending time with DC, cleaning etc.

Wow I'm pathetic. I can't stand the thought of not having my DC there every day and having to 'share' them with him.

@Francesthemute just because I work full time, I value my evenings and weekends with them.