Badly need help for my son, This is how he is being left, pictures included.

[needhelpbadly]

My son suffers with mental illness, autism, paranoid schizophrenia, ocd, anxiety and he is behind his actual age by around five years, he is 21. He lives in a flat, and has a "support team" coming 6 days per week to make sure he is keeping his flat tidy, paying his bills, cooking, etc, he is paying £300 per month for this service. I have included some pictures of his flat since the support team have been coming in.

We have also discovered they have not been helping him pay his bills and he owes approx £1000 to his energy suppliers, £100's to his internet supplier, etc

We did try to get him into supported living but they put him in a flat instead, we knew he would not cope living independantly and this is the result.

Before he had support coming in family members helped clean his flat, pay his bills, order his medication etc are we were under the impression that since he is paying £300 per month for this service that we could then step back a bit and let them do their job.

He is not eating, any food he does have in is mouldy, his bills are not being payed at all, he is peeing into bottles and defacating on his floors and we have no idea how to help him anymore.

Are we within our rights for refusing to pay for this support?

I would get his contracts out and see what he is paying for.
£300 a month for 6 days a week support sounds like very little support. An hour a day or less?
If they come and he wants to talk rather than clean how does it stand? How do they evidence they came?

I would be getting power of attorney and arranging payment of his bills and sorting out his finances and dealing with any support myself.
Is there money in his bank to pay for his direct debits or is he spending it?

If he is behaving badly towards them there isn't much that they can do really?

If he has told his psych not to share information with you then I believe that he is unable to tell you anything and likely avoiding you for that reason?

Can you get power of attorney over your child? This must be a very stressful and painful time for you, I do hope you can get something sorted but I also think it may help to have someone who isn't emotionally invested in this to try and sort things out or to help you assess what is happening, do you have someone who can help you in that way?

Really difficult one as really depends on your sons mental capacity, he obviously has very complex, enduring health issues which must be very difficult for you.

His social worker needs to be the first point of call. If you believe the assistance/care company are not doing the job they were employed to do then speak to the social worker asap. It may be that this issue needs safeguarding in terms of neglect but it may also be that your son is refusing help - if he has capacity to do so then fine, but if not then he needs the appropriate help and interventions. It may also be that the carers (I'm assuming they are carers) don't have the skills/time/experience to effectively communicate with your son. Also cleaning is not normally within their realm and a private cleaner would be employed separately - this of course depends on your sons wishes/how he's happy to live etc.

It all boils down to whether he has the mental capacity at the moment to make these decisions or not. You could always ask his GP to visit to kick start things off if you are concerned (they might say get in touch with psychiatry but explain the situation).

You must be desperate to help him and it must be incredibly frustrating for you. I hope you get the help you both need.

My sister was the same, they are limited in what they can do without consent, which it sounds like he might not give. Do you know what arrangements are in place, ie do care workers go to his alone or in pairs? I don't think at all that sectioning helps everyone, but in this case I would be pushing to get him assessed.

go to his office and refuse to leave.phone for a apt under a different name?
im so sorry your son is truggling and this is how it has ended up.
is he refusing to let them tidy do you think?is their any way they are tidying and within hours he is doing this all over again.
i do agree though even if this is the case this proves he is not well enough to not need more help urgently.especially with the symtoms you mention.hes a very poorly lad!
mental health care as fucking shocking.deaths.abuse and neglect and more and im so sorry your son is suffering underneath them too.
more needs to be done and i wish i could do it for you and all those under the mental health care.
i know this wont help you son.but use us if you need to aswell.if you need to talk keep coming to post.
im just so sorry for you.
there is so much i could say needs to be done for him but i know it wont be.they are fucking bastards.

on the bills could you phone up and eplain.if you tell what you have us and you get the right person they can usually be really good with this often more than the healthcare proffessioanls themselves!

It sounds like he is being given a basic care package, the type which makes sure he can shop therefore eat. They will expect family to be there to support wellbeing. If you are not able to you need to tell them. They can try and support more but given social care resources...

Urgent care team would be my contact, do this out of hours. They can't ignore the fact he is saying he will kill himself. They should come out and if they don't take him in they will get the ball rolling to get him help from his mental health team.

On the energy bills, can they get him changed to a meter where he has to top it up? In fact I would be suggesting to the energy companies/person responsible for setting him up in that accommodation that it was irresponsible for him to be on a credit agreement for his gas/electricity. He shouldn't have been allowed to run up a bill like that.

No advice but just wanted to say I hope you get him the help he needs. No one should live like that & it must be awful fir you also

That is awful i hope you can get support

Very very difficult. £300 per month probably isn’t buying enough time to actually clean up. Or, if it is, your DS is telling them he’s happy with how his flat is.

The things I would have more of an issue with are the mouldy stale food - when they are supposed to be helping him with shopping - and the non payment of bills when they are supposed to be assisting him pay bills! If only two things are being done, it should be that he has safe food available and bills paid to keep his roof over his head & his utilities maintained.

The obvious answer is to stop paying the £300 and give the support yourselves. But if DS won’t allow you, then that may not even be an option.

The support worker is probably there for an hour a day, which leaves your son enough time to undo any they cleaning they have done. Secondly, they can’t make your son pay his bills, they can encourage, organise and advise but if your son chooses to ignore them than he can.

Your son simply isn’t equipped to live on his own. your pictures are evidence of the state of his flat and not that the support workers aren’t doing there jobs. Have you spoken to his support worker?

I understand your frustration and despair but throwing around unfounded accusations isn’t fair and won’t improve his situation. However, that doesn’t mean that you can’t request a re assessment.

Just a thought op. My brother had some of the mental health conditions you mentioned - his latest episode was shockingly violent and he was hospitalised. They now inject his medication monthly so he doesn't need to take anything. I'm not sure if he had to consent and how that worked but it was something they started in hospital and it will continue like that.

As an aside, they are literally just setting him up in a flat and it's a worry that his place will end up like your son's.

its clearly the wrong level of support for him. the service you are paying for isn't supposed to be a full service keeping him clean and tidy and hygienic - the support person coming in will have it specifically in their job description that they are not supposed to clean and tidy themselves. for someone with a different needs profile than your DS, someone coming in once a day and saying "ok time to tidy up and get things sorted" and providing some direction and advice is all that is needed. from the photos it looks like that person is simply being ignored. either your DS simply isn't in this category and can't be expected to learn self care skills, or he has been put into this situation too quickly and hasn't been taught the skills he is now being expected to use.

not really understand the point of being clean tidy and hygienic can be a specific attribute that some individuals on the spectrum have - obviously there are gazillions of different ways people present and having the opposite profile of needing enormously excessive levels of being clean tidy and hygienic is equally a possible profile and can be no less unhealthy. I have a relative who is on the spectrum who needs some support to stop her from going massively overboard in the impossible quest of making sure there isn't a single speck of dirt in her little flat

It’s so difficult if he won’t agree to medication and care being offered to him. It can’t be forced on him easily except if he is detained into a psychiatric hospital Or as part of a court order.

Re medication there are some monthly injections, will he agree to those?

You said he threatened suicide if he’s moved to supportive living, sometimes the thought of that, being controlled or in a hospital is worse for the person. You might as a family think it’s worth a go in hospital (unless you’ve already tried that?), as they can force medication. But it’s also quite extreme and can be awful for the person.

If hospital isn’t a route you want to go down now, could you work with his carers - after a few things you need with them, or expect, with his agreement. Eg the bills must be paid or you must be notified.

But if he doesn’t want you involved, and they think he is able to make that decision, the messy flat, mouldy food aren’t enough for them to ignore his lack of consent. They believe he is choosing this.

Carers Respect people’s choices if they have capacity (you could try to challenge their decision on that with a long list of evidence of things he just doesn’t understand).

Families don’t respect their individual choices, but it means we clear up properly and pay bills, even when the person doesn’t want us to. Because we know/feel it’s the better option.

Really sorry you’re going through this.

@YappityYapYap I can't even see the cat, which photo is it in?

Take pictures of everything including the feaces and print them out a4 size take them to the psychiatrist secretary and show her and ask for an appointment to discuss the situation? I know he cant disclose but he can listen

Call out of hours care get it on record your concerned he will kill himself

The £300 per month he is paying for the service could be the contribution he has to make with the council making up the rest. Hopefully OP will clarify.

It’s awful, OP, and also doesn’t surprise me in the slightest.

Tbf my son would live like that if he left home. Is the support team supposed tobe actual cleaners, cos maybe he needs a cleaner coming in 2 or 3 times a week as well as a care package.

Cleaners won’t touch that

I’m going to go against the grain here, and say whilst your son clearly needs more help, and his living conditions reflect that, the amount you are paying to the council equates to £10 a day so one hour.... I couldn’t feed, help toilet, wash and clean the living conditions of your son in one hour a day. Do the helpers come much more than that? I think you need to focus on how much they can get done in that time realistically? Then choose what they do and what you support your son with? For instance it’s very important they make him food/throw out mouldy food, however you can tidy once at the weekend? They should help him toilet and clean up accidents but you should make it clear to him the going to the toilet in bottles is not okay and you expect it to stop. You can help him pay his bills? They can wash up? X

I would report as a safeguarding issue to social care and ask if he can have a mental capacity assessment over his finances and also another review of his support needs. Can you contact an independent mental health advocate - your son might be open to support from them if he is not able to accept from family currently.

This unfortunately is what is happening to young adults caught in the mental health system. My step son lives like this, except he lives at home with us, so it's one room. He too is not taking medication for depression and anxiety. We are at a loss on how to assist him, our local authority tell us he is an adult, the council tell us there is no such thing as supported housing where we live.
In your case OP, go back to the beginning,
Contact his social worker - is the assessment up to date, does it need urgent review booked
Contact the mental health team, send them the evidence you have posted here.
Contact the utility companies so that they know the situation, if they won't speak to you, then the professionals need to do this as they must have assisted in setting it up.
You need an urgent professionals meeting, everyone involved with your son round the table, I used to do admin for a part of adult services who are required to have this type of case meeting once a month.
It's possible that they are all doing different things to try and 'help' but he now needs a much more unified approach, where the social worker knows straight away if the support staff have not been able to carry out tasks due to refusal or aggression. It has to be much tighter than 'x is receiving x support' they should in your son's case be using a safeguarding model to ensure what is working and what isn't. Don't allow them to talk you into having him home, because then they really do step away and view it that you can do everything