I need some help to stop me making a twat of myself

[TheSpecialStuff]

I've just started a new job and I have done the stupid, cliched thing of developing a crush on a colleague.

I am a fat, menopausal woman on the wrong side of 40, complete with chin hairs. He is probably about 10 years younger than me, classically handsome, and married. Nothing will ever happen between us - even if he was single, he would still never go for me.

I know all this, but I still think he's a very lovely person and I find myself feeling hot-faced and flustered when he talks to me. It's so completely pathetic. I would be mortified if anyone found out what I was thinking about, and I'm worried that it's going to become obvious if I can't control myself. I'm sure I must go completely scarlet when he so much as looks at me!

How do I stop myself from being such an idiot and making an utter twat of myself in front of my new colleagues? I just want to be good at my job like a proper adult...

Go in, do your job properly and professionally, go home. Grow up. Sorry if I sound harsh, but that's all there is to it. You are there to work, not moon around after somebody else.

Could you do some negative association thing to turn yourself off him?

Tough one, these situations can make you so bloody irrational. I think I would try really, really hard to find something, however tiny, to put me off him and really focus on that. Does he chew with his mouth open? wear naff socks or slip on shoes? Or just pretend to yourself something like 'he only showers once a week and has a really smelly arse as a result' and truly disgust yourself with the idea of anything romantic. Also maybe play through how a scenario might go toe cringingly wrong. Imagine the worst most embarrassing brush off if you ever hinted you like him, frighten yourself!

Crossed post @Modestandatinybitsexy! (and you are way more succinct!)

Picture him naked ...,, oh wait

Sarcelle that wasn't especially kind. I think I made it clear from my OP that I wasn't enjoying the situation and I was already feeling pretty stupid about it. I didn't need to be made to feel even worse.

I will try the negative association thing, thank you. I did manage to kill a previous crush many years ago because the guy had a habit of sticking his tongue out when he was concentrating on something. I am sure this current one isn't perfect but I've not been there long so I probably just need time to find something negative.

I was once told that if you picture someone sitting on the loo it is off putting. It worked.

Foundation. Good foundation. It will cover the blushes. Test out types by putting it on and doing exercise like star jumps, then looking in the mirror right after to see if you look red cheeked, depending on the coverage. Blushing is a big giveaway of feelings, but if you're confident no one can see them them then it might make you feel less flustered?

Just find the most odd thing about him and concentrate on it.
Long nails?
Weird tick
Odd socks
Etc etc

And I bet you’re not as bad as you make out!

You sound very childish for a middle aged woman. You asked how you can do your job properly, I told you to get on with it. Do what you are paid for, read a Mills & Boon if you want some romance, your job is not the right place to get it.

You opened a thread so you could speak about him. You are not wanting practical tips, you just have mentionitus. No, not kind, but truthful. You are there to work, he is taken, you think he is out of your league, move on, do your job, grow up.

You don’t sound childish. You just need to stop thinking of him sexually. Think of him as a good colleague. And keep saying that

@Sarcelle who pissed in your chips?

Sarcelle you ok Hun?

Just imagine him doing a really difficult poo (complete with 'strain face' and sound effects, trousers round ankles and little willy flopping about.

If you can ever look at him again without bursting into laughter, I will eat my IPad.

Zaphod, I'm sure many of us have witnessed that scenario and remained married, so not sure it's fool proof.

Get a no-no for your chin hairs! Shift some weight (Holly dolke) has lots of indoor easy exercise videos and start feeling sexy for yourself. Have you read Eleanor Oliphant is completely fine? I'm not saying you're her but it involves a woman with an inappropriate crush