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Original poster

Is he taking the piss or AIBU

22 replies

123testing · 18/01/2020 18:02

Posted before about finance issues.
So currently H pays 1k into an account and that's topped up with benefits. We have multiple kids. He has a seperate business account. I used to work but now I'm a carer and do odd mw jobs.
We need a new car and our home is in desperate need of renovations. I was under the impression that he would help with some of his business money. I understand some it is for business expenses, but surely not all of it.
He's just told me he has no intention of using that money and that we have enough in the other account and should use that. I've been told that if we stopped going out for cinema trips and eating out we'd have enough saved.
I feel stuck and not moving forward in life. I am saving but not enough for major work. AIBU or is he?

OP posts:
pineing · 18/01/2020 18:08

If he runs his own business, he will have to put quite a lot aside for tax. Other than that, if you're married, then surely all money is family money?

edwinbear · 18/01/2020 18:08

Really depends how well his business is doing OP?

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 18/01/2020 18:12

Not sure about this one really.

Do you NEED renovations to your home or do you WANT them? Because, if you NEED them, then your DH is kind of right - you shouldn't be spending money on cinemas and meals out.

Sorry if that sounds harsh.

Original poster
123testing · 18/01/2020 18:14

He's not very forthcoming with his plans. Even after tax he has enough left for the type of jobs that I want doing. But he wants to keep it for future investments.

OP posts:
Thingsdogetbetter · 18/01/2020 18:14

He needs to have his tax saved and a buffer zone for when less business coming in. His accounts need to be accurate and can't just take business money to spend with it becoming taxable as salary or profit.

ComtesseDeSpair · 18/01/2020 18:16

It depends entirely on how much his business makes and what expenses he has to pay. If he’s only making a couple of thousand a month before taxes and expenses then the £1,000 seems reasonable. If he’s making several thousand a month then it really isn’t.

Do you know how much he actually makes and if not, why not?

He’s right though that if your home desperately needs work and your car is on its last legs you probably need to prioritise saving over meals out and going to the cinema.

restingbitchface30 · 18/01/2020 18:17

I’m kind of with your husband on this one, sorry

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 18/01/2020 18:18

But he wants to keep it for future investments.

He's ensuring the business is profitable going forwards to secure him and his family's financial future. That's not a bad thing.

Sometimes there just isn't enough money to have all the things we want to have.

Thingsdogetbetter · 18/01/2020 18:18

And £1k a month seems a very low salary - presumably this is why you can top up with benefits. If he takes business money and uses it for none business it becomes, presumably, salary, profit or bonus and will effect therefore your benefits.

How much is in his business account? How much is his yearly tax bill etc? How much are yearly busines outgoings? How much does he owe suppliers?

ComtesseDeSpair · 18/01/2020 18:20

If you’re reliant on benefits to top up your income then his business can’t be terribly successful. Saving as much as he can from its proceeds is probably sensible. It’s a shame you feel stuck in life but it doesn’t sound like your household income can support what you want right now.

Menora · 18/01/2020 18:22

If you claim benefits how much is he earning? Or is this carers allowance and DLA

It’s hard to say unless you know how well his business is doing and how much he needs for future investment into his business

You home should also be an investment too, if it needs remedial work then this will lower its value and also not be enjoyable to live in

AnneLovesGilbert · 18/01/2020 18:24

How much do you need for the car and jobs and how much are you spending on cinema trips and eating out? Last time DH took the DC the tickets were £12 each and we have a higher household income than you and rarely eat out, it adds up.

PityParty4one · 18/01/2020 18:24

Sorry I am with DH on this.
Running your own business can be a lottery. Having a decent amount of business savings can mean the difference between folding or not.

Are cinema trips and eating out more important than the renovations you want?

Quartz2208 · 18/01/2020 18:29

Yes the two would need to be separate but the question is he paying himself a high enough salary and without knowing

Original poster
123testing · 18/01/2020 18:29

We go out as a family every half term. Incl cinema and meals out.
You are right though about him making only a couple of grand a month. I really want to trust hin and want his business to do well. But he's let me down in the past and don't know whether to trust him. I helped for so many years with him making almost no contributions to family expenses. Sending money to wider family, starting up businesess and them not doing well.
I helped him financially with this current business but wanted to come out if it after a few months. It's only when I nagged him and reminded him of all the other failures that he stuck to this

OP posts:
Original poster
123testing · 18/01/2020 18:37

He was also being controlling about how much we spend even though he was making no financial contributions and not paying anything to the family money so I made a decision that if he wasn't going to help with a financial contribution and with house renovations then we would split.
He promised to do both. It now seems he's not keepong his side of the bargain

OP posts:
Original poster
123testing · 18/01/2020 18:38

I do the mw to pay for extras

OP posts:
Menora · 18/01/2020 18:39

I think you need to get a better paid job so that you can stop relying on him if he is not trustworthy

AnneLovesGilbert · 18/01/2020 18:40

Well that’s a lot more complicated than your original post...

Original poster
123testing · 18/01/2020 18:47

Sorry for the drip feed. I'm training for a professional career.
I think I do have high expectations and probably need to adjust

OP posts:
ToBreatheAgain · 18/01/2020 19:34

Would he sit down and go through the books with you so you can see what his turnover and profit and future investment needs are. Depending on the type of business he may well be right that he needs to keep a reasonable amount of capital available for future investment. Its a lot more complex than their being money available that's more than current tax needs so he can afford the renovations and car. He may be doing the responsible thing or he may not. Since he's given you past cause not to trust him I'd want to go through the books together and see what he's earning and where it's going and what he's planning to do with the capital he has saved.

Original poster
123testing · 18/01/2020 21:20

I think that's what I need. Reassurance from him that he's thinking about our future and not just taking advantage. But he just shuts down when I ask him about facts and figures. Like he's too tired to deal with all of that where I'm having anxiety about what the future holds for us.

OP posts:
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