Is any one low/no contact with in laws whilst husband has a relationship with them?

[Emp0wered]

If so, how does that work for you?

I won't bore you with all the details and stories, but in-laws are extremely controlling. They are a very dysfunctional, enmeshed family and want to control their adult children and have said that their children can live their lives as they wish once the parents have passed. There are some cultural elements to it where daughter in laws are treated poorly and are expected to be subservient to their husbands parents. But there is a lot of emotional abuse too. Silent treatment when you don't do as they wish, guilt tripping for not giving them money etc.

My husband recognises the above but wants a close relationship with them regardless because he loves them having been raised in and used to this kind of behaviour. He is also fearful of losing his family. I want no part of this and want to keep away. He wants to see them twice a week. I just wondered if anyone else has dealt with a similar situation and if it has affected them or their marriage or if they manage to make it work?

My DH has a very low contact relationship with my family (DH has MH issues and my family smoke which is one of his OCD issues, too hard to sort so has slowly gone LC through the years) and tbh it doesn’t make a big difference in our lives. I take DC to DGP during the days I’m off work (I work PT), and sometimes of an evening/at the weekend and he’ll stay home and have some time out- then he’ll take them to his family without me to repay the ‘time off’ type thing. It’s not as if there’s any ill will, it’s just he’s too uncomfortable to really make an effort so it’s just easier to have a relationship apart from him. They can chat and make small talk when needed- there’s just no relationship there really. It’s a bit frustrating for me as my parents were AMAZING growing up, have been endlessly supportive of our DC and lent us thousands over the years, yet this issues means he’s LC- whereas his family were boarderline abusive and are still massively dysfunctional/ absolutely full of drama and negativity yet I still continue to make an effort and sit listening to them be endlessly negative 🙄

I've been with DH 9 years and have never met his parents. You are under no obligation to have a relationship with them, especially under the circumstances you have described.

Sorry you're stuck in the middle of this. It's a very frustrating and tricky position to be in. My husband is nc with his parents and extended family. 3 years now and they haven't met our two children. They are an extremely stubborn and difficult bunch of people but don't think the nc is warranted. I constantly feel guilty and wonder if I should give in to mil requests to see kids even though dh wants nothing to do with them. She's quite intimidating so I'm scared but it might be OK to meet up every now and again. It'll keep the door open for dh but just annoying that I'd have to stuck in middle. Didn't see this coming when we got married so it's been a strained few years. I suppose nobody is obliged to have a relationship with anyone but I guess only as a last resort, the effort must be made first.

Yes, well, LC with MIL now and NC with her partner, but dh would text or speak with her on the phone a few times a year and maybe meet her for lunch somewhere about once a year. We aren’t welcome in their house anyway (her partner doesn’t allow it - even though it’s her house - but we wouldn’t go there anyway). The reasons for NC were related to safeguarding of our dc and risk of abuse, not just because I don’t like them (though I don’t), so it was pretty straightforward for dh to keep in touch minimally to make sure she was still alive while making sure they had nothing to do with our dc.