Can’t get him out of my head

[Sohardtochooseausername]

I posted a couple of weeks ago about being too open about past relationships early on with this guy I just met. I cheated once in a past relationship and this guy asks too many questions and is judgey. You all pretty much said red flag!!

Since then we have been messaging and have spoken on the phone. He said he likes me and we get on and we could take it very slow - but he still can’t get that stuff out of his head.

I would drop him and cut contact but I really like him and there are so many things that could be good about this relationship if it had a little chance to flourish.

Am I crazy? If so how do I get past this? Or how can I make it work? We are due to meet for a coffee in a week “to talk”.

You haven't met him at all yet?

No no no no no. He sounds like he will use this knowledge to his advantage. Sounds like you’re already trying to prove you’re good enough for him.
Try not to tell personal information to strangers.

What is it you like about him?. You have not met and you hardly know each other, are you merely building up a picture here in your head.

What are your boundaries like in relationships?. They sound very low here. Also consider what you learnt about relationships when you were growing up.

What’s the point In that? You will be justifying yourself as he already told you he has a problem with your past and you don’t even know the bloke. If he ‘can’t get the stuff out of his head’ how will that work?

but he still can’t get that stuff out of his head. He's already setting you up as the one who needs to prove something, the bad one, the one on the back foot.

FGS stop talking to him and date other people.

You shouldn't have to "make things work" or "get past" anything in a relationship when you haven't even bloody met yet. Go have a cold shower and catch yourself on.

I mean, if your self-hatred is so bad that you think you need to be punished, don't do it by deliberately putting yourself into a bad relationship - turn it into something positive and do something like walking through fire or lying on a bed of nails and raise some money for a women's charity while doing it.

Thank you! Perhaps I need to go back into therapy... I have never been in a simple relationship.

Yes. Perhaps do the Freedom Programme on top of that. Do good things for yourself, treat yourself like a friend.

Have you actually met him?

We’ve had 3 dates. They were great apart from when he was asking me about my past.

I think posters on your previous thread warned you this might happen. That he'd try to reel you in after trashing you... for cheating ages and ages ago. And being an unsympathetic dick over the fact that you'd suffered a horrendous marriage with a Charing husband. Oh dear. Sorry. I would be so careful. He might have worked out the buttons to push and is now pushing away. Obvs speculation. But it didn't sound good. Sorry OP. Might not have been what you wanted to hear. Can't you find someone kind?

With a cheating husband. Bloody spellcheck

He will have sex with you then drop you over “trust issues”.

Just find someone kind! He was a cock. Sorry, but a total cock. Don't get hooked. If he'd told you he'd been in a long, miserable abusive marriage, would you have turned around and suggested you were untrustworthy? Wow. Don't go there! He can sniff you're vulnerability.

Oops. Spellings