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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is my Sis being a dick or is it me?

5 replies

beethebee · 18/01/2020 00:40

Trying not to dripfeed so apologies if long...

I've been estranged from my younger sister for almost 3 years. A variety of reasons that culminated in her screaming and swearing at me and trying to physically push me out of my mother's house on Mother's Day in front of my children. I had absolutely had enough by that stage and disengaged totally. One of the things that most exacerbated this whole problem was her habit of inviting her friends along to every single one of our supposed 'family' occasions.

Our grandmother died last week and sis and I have been tentatively communicating via email and had agreed to go to lunch together on the day of DGma's funeral next week (she died overseas and we can't attend the funeral) to 'say goodbye to DGma' as my sister put it.

Now DSis has just emailed me me to ask if she can bring a friend along to this lunch.

I feel really wtf about it and feel like telling her to go for it with her mate but that I'm too busy at work to come. (Sort of true but I would have swung it).

How should I reply? I'm dead sure she's already invited the ( mutual but not close - didn't really know my Gma) friend so if I say no now I'll look like a bitch.

OP posts:
INeedNewShoes · 18/01/2020 00:44

Reply with the truth - that you were hoping this could just be a family thing.

If you want to be nice, you can say ‘let’s arrange a different date to meet up with your friend’.

It’s up to you - she sounds like hard work but if maintaining contact is important try to be honest but nice with it.

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 18/01/2020 00:51

Just say as you've got so much to catch up on as well as talking about your memories of your gran, youd really prefer it if it was just the two of you this time

beethebee · 18/01/2020 00:52

Oh yes @INeedNewShoes suggesting another day is a good idea.

She is hard work and very moody/flaky but not entirely her fault- she has various MH issues I think.

Our family is tiny - literally just my mother, sis and her daughter and me and my 2 DC. I would feel a bit sad to lose touch totally, although the last 3 years have been lovely and peaceful.

OP posts:
Thestrangestthing · 18/01/2020 00:54

I would just text and say "why?".

beethebee · 18/01/2020 01:02

Ha ha @Thestrangestthing I feel like texting and saying 'wt actual f are you thinking, you woozle???' But I will manage to restrain myself this time, I think.

OP posts:
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