My Boyfriend Hasn't Said I Love You

[Catladyireland]

Hi guys,

This may seem a silly one but in a year of dating my boyfriend has never said I love you. The relationship has been really good and we have had the normal milestones - together most nights, met each others friends/families and he talks about the future.

Am I being silly to not say it first? I guess I'm worried he won't say it back and I would think after a year that it should have been said because I am feeling that we do love each other

Does he show you he loves you? Is he kind, thoughtful, considerate?

Clearly it's bothering you. If you said it and he said he didn't love you, at least you'd know.

An ex of mine never said it, and it did bother me. In time I realised he actually didn't love me and we separated. He moved on very easily. Go figure

I'm with a man now that says it and I appreciate it.

I'm sure others will say it doesn't bother them either way, but if you want to hear it you may have to ask him outright.

Yes, he is thoughtful and kind. He's very lovely to me actually and better than any other relationships I've had so I've no other concerns apart from me doubting him because he hasn't said it

He either doesn't love you,so doesn't say it, or just cannot express himself emotionally (worrying)!

Its not great is it if he cant bring himself to tell you he loves you.

But...you saying it shouldn't be dependent upon him

If you love him why don't you tell him?

I think I was just being worried he wouldn't say it back if I said it first. Called me old school but maybe I was hoping he would say it

Just tell him.
If he doesn't say it back then that says it all really.

Am I just putting too much pressure on a few words?
Don't want to ruin a good thing because he doesn't say it back....

My boyfriend hadn't said it either, 4 months in so I said it to him after a few drinks and some hot sex....his reply "oh good" I was mortified but we are together 6 years later and married for 3, he doesn't say it often but if I say it he'll say it back now! He's not very in touch with his emotions!!

3.5 years in, and I've never once felt the need to say this to my partner. I don't see it as a requirement any more than informing them of the times I'm mildly amused by them, slightly disgusted, completely confused by them, intrigued by them, or fizzing angry with them. It's of no consequence to some people. Partner very occasionally chooses to say it to me, and although it's endearing, it doesn't provoke any real thought beyond 'I know' and I certainly don't feel any compulsion to say it back. Some of us just aren't romantically inclined, and don't feel the need to express our emotional state out loud. Doesn't mean we think any less of our significant others though.

As my Nanna used to say, "handsome is as handsome does". It's what they do not what they say.

Hmm. Op there is some concerning things here. First is him not expressing how he feels to you openely.
Second is that it matters deeply to you but you can't bring it up - despite having been together a year.

The two of you have some serious communication problems going on and you are struggling with guilt and shame that you want very standard open affirmation of what your relationship means to him

What you want is normal and you also need to be able to discuss this level of worry that you are having - how will your relationship have a future if you can't?

The truth is that he may have nto said it because he doesn't feel it - and as long as you are left wondering you are unhappy.

But she hasn't said it either so why's it his fault?