Leaving a toxic relationship

[EscapingTheToxic]

Why is it so hard...?

I have name changed, as my partner knows I use Mumsnet, and I don’t want him to find my thread.

But I ask again why is it so hard? Despite knowing the relationship isn’t going to work, that he is manipulative, emotionally abusive, controlling.. but at the same time can be so loving, caring and on paper my perfect man?

I feel as though I have invested time and I keep thinking it all won’t happen again, this time will be different. Every time he comes up with a reason and a solution, most recently he must be depressed and is now on medication but tonight he has let me down and bailed once again.

I love this man. But he is bad news. I see no future with him. But yet I cannot seem to walk away. He is blocked on all platforms, I don’t want to hear his crap, but he will be at my door tomorrow once his hang over has cleared begging for forgiveness

So I suppose this is a rant. I know I need to leave, I know in need to move on but it’s so bloody hard and he’s so persistent

Yes, it's hard. You know his moves, so you need to permit them. Be out all day tomorrow. Disconnect the doorbell. Unscrew the knocker. Pack up his stuff and leave it outside your front door. Have a friend round.

You know you have to dump him, so plan it.

It is hard.

But it will only get harder the longer you stay.

I know, already, that you deserve better,

It hurts - but this isn't the right relationship for you. You have identified that

Leave and grieve (and grieve you will)

Get ready to grieve

I have come to my mums, he will not come here so I will stay the weekend and I am hoping this will break the cycle

The funny thing is, what happened this evening was very minor in comparison, but I just realised enough is enough and this man is ruining my life and my mental health. After sobbing for hours because he bailed on me once again, I just thought Is he really worth it?

I know how hard this will be. I love him dearly, I really do. Despite the way he treats me. This is what makes it so much more difficult

Perhaps if you really think about it, you want to love him, or anybody, a lot more than you actually do. Do you really "love" someone who is so horrible and abusive? He is nothing more than a bad habit you need to break. Stop letting yourself down. Walk away and stay away.

Aqua- I have wondered this myself. If I’m chasing some kind of dream. I feel like I love him, I feel like I’m addicted to him but I think this is part of his control. His behaviour dropping me and picking me back up, feeding me with the lines of love and happiness he feels towards me. When in reality it’s false. I think he is chasing the dream also.

I’m a great believer that things said in true anger are the truth. He has told me some pretty horrible things when angry. I tell myself they aren’t true but they niggle in the baCk of my mind.

I know I deserve better. At minimum I deserve some respect I don’t think he gives me this

Day two of no contact... it hurts. He is blocked on all platforms but if he really did want he could call on withheld. It makes it easier him not calling, but it feels so raw and painful