Old friend won’t talk to me

[longlostmate]

NC for this, hope this is the right place.

So 8 years ago, when I was about 18, one of my best friends fell out with me. It was a guy, if that makes any difference, but always an entirely platonic friendship. The reason we fell out was because he started getting into drugs, and one day I lost my rag with him a bit. I basically told him that he was being stupid, and it was taking over our friendship. I fully own up to the fact that I was harsh, but anyway. We were part of a bigger group of friends - the strongest, best friendships I ever had. Akin with Stephen King’s quote from Stand By Me: “I never had friends again like the ones I had when I was twelve”. Anyway, after the fall out, I assumed things would blow over and be back to normal again. But it never was. From then on, he refused to speak to me when he saw me, but still spent time with the rest of the group. They eventually drifted apart, a few years on. Because of his point blank refusal to talk to me, I got upset and deleted him off of Facebook. A year or so later, I tried reaching out to him with a long-winded apology for my harshness, but with no pressure to be friends again. He never replied.

He recently popped up as a suggested follow on Twitter. It was a private account, but I thought it was harmless and impersonal, so sent a follow request. It’s not been accepted, so I can only assume it’s been ignored or not seen. My spidey senses are telling me it’s the former.

It’s making me feel sad, as I would like to reconnect with him and know what he’s doing with his life now. From what I know, he’s long since cleaned up his act re. the drugs. I’m too nervous to send him another fb message, in case it’s ignored again.

In case anyone says, I have made plenty of friends since. They’re all wonderful. It’s just that it’s very rare that I make meaningful friendships - it’s especially hard as an adult. I believe it’s important to cherish those good friendships.

Is it time to accept and move on? If you were trying to reach out to an old friend in these circumstances, what would you say?

I could've wrong but I don't think he's holding a grudge; I think it's the opposite, indifference and doesn't see the point.

I agree with this. I had a friend request a while back from someone I was friends with when I was in 18, it was about 10 years since I'd known them. I'm a different person now, I'm sure they are too and I just didn't see the point. You grow and change so much when you are in your 20s that 18 seems like a lifetime ago. I harbour no ill feelings towards them I just didn't see the point in hi how are you messages.

What I meant by the ego thing, was that you have been reaching for extra reasons why your apology or length of time hasn't been enough to restore contact. And those reasons that you've come up with have been there must be something wrong with him - hasn't matured and got over it, can't be bothered with friendships with women. Those things might be true, but it is reaching - basically you upset or angered him years ago, and he hasn't been arsed with you since.

And I get that it's hard and upsetting to think we're not liked or not forgiven, but sometimes it happens.

I think you'd be better placed coming to terms with why it matters to you as much as it does OP, in order to stop it punctuating your life in a negative way any further.

It's easy to impose ideas onto people we used to know when the reality is you know nothing about him now and the lack of contact seems to have held him in a stasis for you, whereas he has (presumably) just moved on. You know he doesn't want to reconnect, or he would have. You don't need him to forgive you over an argument about something small so long ago. He probably doesn't even remember. It doesn't mean he is still angry- which seems very unlikely

Do you think it is about wanting to be liked and struggling with not? I'd look to resolve why you feel this way rather than looking to him to fix it by replying/forgiving/being friends again. It doesn't seem it will happen and you don't want a friend who ignores you anyway.

Sorry OP. 💐 It's always hard to lose a friendship. When you get a bit older you miss the times/fun that you used to have. I do think that you will have to let this one go though. If he decides that he wants to talk to you he can try Facebook and hope that you are still interested enough to care, but don't waste your time hoping for this. 🍷

Accept that you were in the right to rip him a new arsehole given his drug abuse & it affecting your all. Accept that he was a little boy then who couldn't take justified criticism & he clearly still hasn't grown up & realised that's you actually had his best interest at heart & were strong enough & cared enough to call him out in it

& then move on

Thanks for the advice.

To the person who mentioned me wanting to be liked, that’s probably true. I don’t make enemies easily. Despite my faults, I’ve always been a kind, caring person, and a good friend!

I’ve only reminisced on our friendship a couple of times in the last 8 years, so it’s pointless me giving it any more headspace. I won’t say anything to him, there’s no point. It’s time for me to well and truly move on!

You will get over it, try not to think about it.life is too short to worry about people that dont want u in their life.make new friends,its his loss.