How did you know he wasn't the one? (if non-violent/coercive)

[sammiches79]

Myself and OH relationship looks ideal to the outside. But I'm getting more and more sure he's not the man for me. We've been together nearly 20 years and married for 10 but over the last few years I've just lost love for him. I'm scared to make the move though for fear or what would happen to us all and upsetting our sons.

Looking for some feedback on what signs showed you he wasn't the one? Not done anything wrong, not cheated or beaten me. A genuinely nice hard working guy who is besotted with me but I've just run out of love and any passion for him.

How did you know and how did you make the move?

Anyone?

I went to counselling with him, we just didn't connect at all. The counselling served its purpose in that it confirmed nothing was going to change.

I feel the same, it’s awful so I sympathise. Married to a lovely man who adores me but I feel like you do and something in me just screams at me that this is not the one for me and I long to be with someone I feel real love and passion for. No idea what to do but I’ve just started counselling on my own to try work through my thoughts.

Thanks ladies. @cravingthelook had you fallen out of love with him before you went counselling? What sort of thing do you mean by nothing would change?

@Confused866 do you have children? Sounds very similar to me. I've contacted a centre today about counselling for me. I've got depression to but don't know if it's caused by the relationship or if maybe the relationship is fine/normal and I just think it's broken cause of depressive thoughts.

@sammiches79
I am on exactly the same boat. I have told my DH I want to leave, but he just can't and doesn't want to accept it 😔

I just don't love him anymore. I might be making a massive mistake, but I feel like I just need to be removed from the situation to know for sure!

Perhaps he will ultimately be happier with a woman who desires him? According to another thread here decent men over 40 get snapped up fast.

"The One"?! Presumably he was for some considerable time, given you married him.

It's a bit of a romantic notion, implying that you somehow got it wrong all along, and there's actually some Prince Charming that you get a do-over with. Newsflash: there isn't.

All we have in reality is the capacity for relationships with compatible partners.

I'm not trying to be a smart-arse here; I'm just concerned that you are looking at this situation with rose-tinted spectacles, and you'll be disappointed once you get out there...have you ever read the threads about online dating?

Relationships can stop working, couples can drift apart, people stop making an effort. If you want to end this one, you are perfectly entitled to. But please don't do that because you have some starry-eyed notion that there's someone out there who is perfect for you. Generally, we get out what we put into a relationship (both of you): it's about how we are together, not what we are.

I realised he wasn’t the one when at a parents evening at nursery for our 2 year old he asked the key worker if she felt our DS was ready for school. 2 year old DS was defiantly not a genius, not going to a school/nursery anytime soon, and was struggling with settling at the nursery.
I realised I was embarrassed he was even asking that and I realised he should be with someone who isn’t embarrassed by him x

@BitOfFun
Perfectly put.
I've been married to my better half for over 25 years and she is still 'the one'.
True we've had our difficult periods and at times I'm sure she's wanted to fill me in.
Marriage is work, compromise, love & respect. It's not a Disney movie.