How can I prove I’m not insane?

[TimeToChangeNameAgain]

Sorry, wasn’t sure where to put this but after some advice.

Long story which I’ll try and shorten as much as possible. Basically in Sixth Form (nearly 20 years ago) I was dating a boy from a neighbouring school for a couple of years. All was well until I found out he’d had another girlfriend at his own school. I decided to confront him and his other girlfriend after school one day. This boy then completely denied ever knowing me, told everyone I’d been stalking him for years and he’d felt sorry for me but nothing had ever happened between us. All very silly and juvenile but a lot of people in my home town thought I was this crazy stalker for a while.

Then I went to uni elsewhere in the country and all was forgotten about. I got married, had kids and a couple of years ago move back to my hometown. Not a huge amount of people from my time as a stalker we’re still around so I assumed this rumour had stopped and didn’t really care even if anyone did think I’d been a bit mad as a teenager.

About a month ago I was walking up the steps from town and saw a package that looked like it had been dropped by the postman. It was a bit water damaged but I saw the name on it and knew it as a guy who used to be friends with my teenage boyfriend. I knew roughly where he lived, but address was unreadable. I’m friendly enough with this guy to have the odd chat if I bump into him so I messaged him on FB to say I’d found this parcel, let me know his address and I’d pop it through letter box. He said thanks, not to worry, he’d pick it up from mine and he did so later that day. I think no more of it until I get a message from this guy saying ‘errrmm, thanks I guess. Just in case you didn’t know, I’m in a committed relationship and no plans to change that.’ I reply with ‘? Think you sent this to the wrong person’. He messages back to say he knows the gift was from me, that I’m too old to still be playing silly games and attached a photo of a load of black feathers (I’m guessing what was in the parcel).

I know it’s the most ridiculous thing but this has really upset me. I was trying to be helpful and now I’m once again a mad woman who posts her love interest black feathers. I don’t know if this guy has told anyone but it’s making me feel really paranoid. I feel completely helpless, just like I did last time where if I try and protest my innocence I’m just going to look even more crazy. Any advice?

Grief, this is bonkers! How odd! Where was the parcel? Are you from a small town, it seems a great coincidence that you found a parcel and knew the person it was for! Are black feathers some sort of symbol of undying love?

I would probably reply with something like... "Don't flatter yourself, I was only trying to be helpful, shan't bother next time"

The parcel was on some steps into town. They’re steps with houses up the side though so the postman does go up there. Yes, it’s a small town. Although even if I hadn’t known who it was for I’d have probably searched their name on FB and found them.

I have no idea why he’s got a load of feathers . It didn’t feel like a load of feathers, the box was more shoebox shaped.

I wish I’d just left it/ stuck it in a postbox now.

Oh, thanks for the biscuit. Does that mean even me regaling my story of being told I’m mad when I’m not mad makes me sound mad? I give up. I’m not even vaguely interesting, let alone mad.

unless he's trying to wind you up? No idea why he would be but.... it's a puzzler!

I have no idea. It was all done by message so difficult to judge tone. I don’t really know him that well though, don’t see why he’d try to wind me up. I’m just hoping he hasn’t mentioned it to anyone else. It’s so annoying that I can’t defend myself without looking more crazy.

This feels like some weird novel.

I'm not sure why anyone send a box of feathers. Only advice I could give from now on is keep to yourself. Sorry

This is extraordinary and I feel for you. Have you replied?

He sounds arrogant!

Do you a have a friend from your school who remembers that him and you were an item?
Any photos?
It sounds infuriating!

But it wasn’t your ex’s the parcel was for someone else wasn’t it? Why on earth would he think you fancy him?

I’d steer clear of the ex and his friends

"Don't flatter yourself, I was only trying to be helpful, shan't bother next time"

This is a good shout. And emphasise it's not from you too.

"Don't flatter yourself, it's not from me! I was only trying to be helpful, shan't bother next time"

No, the parcel was not for ex. The guy that the parcel was for I was at primary school with and then he was friends with the ex. The daft thing is that he knew that ex and I were together. He’d actually seen us out and about a lot. Unless ex was telling him he only saw me because he felt sorry for me or something.

The last message I sent to the parcel man was just ‘WTF?’ in response to his photo of the feathers. It was only later on that I twigged that the feathers were probably what was in the parcel.

I would reply: I’m actually getting embarrassed in your behalf. I literally found the box as I explained and tried to do a good deed in getting it back to you. I have absolutely no interest in you whatsover and am really regretting not just putting the box in the post box. Also, who the hell would send a box of black feathers to someone as a love token? What an odd conclusion to come to.

I would probably message the guy with the parcel.
Keep it short and factual.

Like 'We were in an actual relationship for this long, met his parents, he met mine etc then I've found out he was a two timing arse.
I've confronted him and he took the coward's way out of the sticky situation and gave me a bad reputation. Some mutual friends probably still remember us being a couple. I shouldn't have to explain myself but because of my exes lies people still think I stalk men. So no, I'm not after you or anyone else, found this parcel on the street and thought I should do a nice thing.

But yeah saw you replied wtf. Also a good response. Leave it there and presume he is the mad one for a) thinking you would send it in such an odd way (I mean surely you would just put it in the post) and b) that black feathers is a sure sign of unrequited love. I kind of want to know who sent it and why now tho... doesn’t scream affection. Also blank him unless he apologises

Well if he knew for a fact that you were together with the boy then he is a fucking idiot.

Sounds like someone in the household does FB crap type craft.

I would send no further messages and totally ignore him.

Send him a box of feathers.

He may think you're crazy, he may be gaslighting you because he and his friend are still knobs like they were in school, either way, I agree with giving the above response and then cease all contact. You could even ask him why he's acting like a weirdo sending you random pictures of feathers

As a PP has said, did any of your friends ever see you together, any photos? Although sharing them with people now may only add to the idea that you're crazy, tbh...

This sounds really horrible to deal with OP, really sorry that after all these years you're still having to deal with the ramifications of someone else's lies

I'm sure anyone who's worth your time will believe you though, plus the idea that people were more willing to believe that you were a stalker than that this douchey boy was a cheat is surprising!

Ignore him and it. Just carry on doing your thing. Small mi ded individuals. You are pillars above my darling! Pillars above!

By engaging in this sort of nonsense you're just making things worse for yourself. Your post reads like you overthink things. Is that true?

Break it down: you saw a parcel addressed to someone in your small village/town and knew who it belonged to. You ensured that it got there.

The best response to the receivers message is simply "great to hear you're happy. The parcel wasn't from me". No explanations, no excuses, no protracted discussions. Just leave it at that. If you start launching into excuses and explanations for a tedious sink to a situation that happened 20 YEARS ago then you will look nuts!

Just move on.

He's the loony tune not you !

I'm a bit sceptical that so many co-incidences happened all at once regarding the parcel, however, random things really do happen.

Why worry about it? What’s happened has happened and he’s proven himself to be a weirdo (who, upon receiving a box of black feathers assumes that means someone they haven’t spoken to in 20 years is in love with them?) and you’ve appropriately replied “wtf?” Leave it there. Any attempt to explain yourself will make you look like you’re lying. Any attempt to explain something that happened 20 years ago (and has literally nothing to do with this) will make you look weird. Just leave it.

I think you’re a bit obsessed about what happened 20 years ago. Any normal adult will have forgotten it by now and if they remember or are reminded, I think they all agree that in hindsight it’s much more likely that a 17/18 yr old boy was cheating on his girlfriend and lied about it than it is that you were stalking him.