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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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5 replies

goldenchick · 17/01/2020 08:53

I have been with my partner for 5 years and we have a 16 month old daughter.
He was married prior to us meeting and getting together and they have a 10 year old daughter.
When I was 7 months pregnant, I found out that he had been sleeping with his ex wife for the first 2-3 years that him and I began living together. Being heavily pregnant when I found out, rightly or wrongly, I pushed it all to the back of my mind, forgave him and "moved on". He has never really shown any sort of remorse for the pain this caused to me and to our relationship, yet doesn't understand that I am still struggling with it. I believe this is because he refuses really to talk about or acknowledge what he did.
He is incredibly moody and becoming more and more controlling as time goes on.
I work full time, yet continue to do all that is "expected" of you as a mother. This combined with his bad attitude leaves me pretty tired and in no mood for any intimacy. I have tried and tried to get over this, but I M not sure I can. Certainly when Im being left alone to process this.
I think constantly about leaving him. But more than anything o feel guilt towards his daughter (from precious relationship ) as I have built a great relationship with her and feel terrible walking out of her life.
Had anyone got any advice for me? Will this all "go away?" Will I just "get over it"? Or am I being foolish waiting for this all to just get better on its own?
Advice welcome! X

OP posts:
candative · 17/01/2020 08:57

Sorry that this has happened to you. I believe it's quite common to focus on getting through the pregnancy and striving for the dream of a stable family for the new baby. Perhaps some counselling would help you to work through your feelings? Your step daughter is your child's half sibling, if you split would it really mean that you would be out of her life? What's your relationship like with the ex?

candative · 17/01/2020 08:59

Just to say, I personally don't think this will get better on its own based on what you say in your post.

goldenchick · 17/01/2020 09:10

My relationship with the ex is non existent. Although I would be willing to work with her, she refuses to accept both mine and my daughters existence. But I would hope to amicably split for my partner as I hate animosity or anything else. And actually, when you put it like that, I wouldn't have no contact with my step daughter as I would like to maintain this through my partner.
I just have so much in my head and whilst I so want to try and make a go of things, the constant niggle of what happened is in my mind. And this is then made worse by his constant moodiness Sad

OP posts:
Ilovethekitties · 17/01/2020 09:14

What do you get from this man?

goldenchick · 17/01/2020 10:18

Ilovethekitties, I've been asking myself this for a while!?

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