because my friend is in what I believe to be a toxic relationship.
She's a mum of a 7 year old and a newborn baby. She's not with the father of either of her children.
She started a relationship with her now boyfriend when she was a few months pregnant.
He's constantly at her side wherever she goes, with lots of touching and sulks a lot when she goes out without him. Ie to visit me. Or when she mentions sorting out the logistics with the newborns father.
Her pregnancy was very difficult in that she had to have a stitch in place to prevent premature birth and was not allowed to have sex. She has told me that her boyfriend has pressured her into sex and daily grabs her (not violently she says) and himself making sexual jokes and "puts his penis in her face". He has done this very recently, 2 weeks post partum after a difficult delivery.
When she tells me these things, she is constantly checking her phone so that she hasn't accidently called him and he over hears.
He has his own home but has basically moved himself into her flat and won't leave it unless it's with her despite not being on the tenancy. He also isn't working and isn't making an effort to find a job. He also uses her bank card for purchases though she said that all purchases are within reason like food.
One example which worries me is that she told me he tried to have sex with her whilst her 7 year old was awake and in the same room.
Which has had an effect on the 7 year old (misbehaving at school and "kissing two boys forcefully"). She has told me since that she spoke to him and told him that was unacceptable and he hasn't done it with the 7 year old in the room since.
Another is that she went to call her car insurance company in another room, told him what she was doing, and he followed her telling her "that he just wanted to sit with her" and forcefully fed her chocolate whilst she was on the phone.
She complains to me about all of this and says she gets no space.
I have asked her what she would like to do whilst she was pregnant and she said she wasn't sure how she felt or wants to do as she wasn't sure if it was the hormones or her genuinely not being happy.
I have spoken to her since and she still doesn't know. I have made it clear that I think he's possessive and controlling and I definitely don't like how he's being a sex pest. She agreed with me and we made vague plans of how she would confront him but to no avail as she hasn't. She said she doesn't like confrontation and wants an easy life. She has said her family love him and her 7 year old too. She knows that his behaviour isn't right as she's been in abusive relationships before.
He seems like a nice guy and I'm aware that she could be exaggerating and I only have one side of the story. Might be worth pointing out she suffers from mental health issues and has had a very troubled childhood.
I have also suffered from minor mental health issues in the past so I can see the signs.
His past is very chequered with drugs and alcohol abuse. Although he is clean from drugs now.
I am very worried for her as I think she's vulnerable post birth. And I do get a bad vibe from her boyfriend. I wouldn't put it past him to snoop through her phone or even be violent. Although that is conjecture.
How can I help her? I've listened and told her nicely and also told her bluntly that I believe he's abusive. Is all the above considered abuse?
If so, what can I do to help? I don't want to ring the police as it could be considered hearsay and could rock the boat at her home. Plus I believe I'm the only person she's told about these issues. I have emailed this to womensaid too. And was reluctant to put this on here as I know she reads some threads and connect the dots. I'm just so so worried.
Many thanks in advance.