I hate him

[letitbeyou]

I really need to talk and let out how rubbish everything is. Unfortunately I have no one to talk to and need to try to get some help/advice before I withdraw and become insular and overthink.

I feel very 'rambling' so apologies. My husband has always been quite distant and in hindsight weird and mechanical with sex. I didn't really know any different. We had lots of problems which I tried to resolve - outfits and similar shit etc etc. Told me he had a low sex drive etc etc.
I was understanding, Very bloody understanding.

Anyway 'caught' him watching porn in the bath a few metres away from me about 4 years ago. Not my thing now, but when I was younger a serious boyfriend was open about it and I didn't have a problem with it. The deceit and lies spun from my husband though about how he wasn't 'into that' - completely unprompted by me.

Typing this out is destroying me because it's making it real. Sorry I need to stop now. It's very upsetting. Just need to talk.

I know that he definitely shouldn’t lie about it and should be open and honest, however my husband occasionally watches porn and is very honest about it so I don’t mind. For him is totally different than sex and is more personal stress relief. Having said that porn should never get in the way of a healthy sex life. If he has always been quite distant about sex I wonder if that’s his normal, some people naturally have different sex drives. Have you tried talking about it to him?

Sorry but I'm confused about why you're posting about it now, after 4 yrs .. has he continued doing it or is it that the lack of (good) sex life is getting to you badly at this time or ... ?

Ok, I'm here.

First thing that strikes me is with an ex all fine. Mot with H so is the problem with porn or H? I think it's with H.

Mechanical sex sounds terrible! Has it always been like this?

Thank you 75. Problem is husband.

I did post 4 years ago. He never put things right.

I can't leave. It would destroy my children. I can't do that.

No, they dont in my experience.

Apart from.porn, what's your relationship like generally?

So you are destroying your sense of sexual self esteem over this man but don’t want to leave.

You want us to persuade you it’s okay or leave?

If you are not going to leave and he won’t change then you are going to be very angry. For as long as it carries on.

You have options. Not one of them looks like it involves your husband deciding to stop blue screening your sex life to death. If you are staying with the children, what are you going to do with your desires?

Let's hear more background to this.

You can leave, you’re choosing not to.

His porn usage can be a deal breaker for you but it does mean that the onus is on you to either find a way to live with it or to leave. By taking leaving off the table, you’ve barricaded yourself in to a situation depressing situation.

May I suggest you seek out a counsellor to explore your feelings and to try and formulate a resolution because your resentment has turned toxic and is not doing your MH any favours.

This is who he is, which means the balls in your court.

Is he still watching porn or is the issue more with his lack of sexual interest in you?

Because holding onto a partner watching porn in the bath four years ago...seems, odd.

So you have been dressing up and doing all kinds of things to turn him on, and it didn't work. He said he just had a low sex drive, but since you saw him watching porn, now you think he is turned on by women, just not you? So you think he has never really fancied you, and your relationship is a lie? Is that the issue?