Trust Issues! Help!

[Happybee1234]

First time poster here but looking for some advice, I have a wonderful partner who I live with and although we don't have kids together we have blended our existing families nicely.
The trouble is after some awful previous relationships I'm having trouble trusting my OH, it's got to the point that if he's going on a night out I can't sleep until he is home I am constantly thinking about where he is and watching for him messaging me (which he is really good at doing as he knows I worry) when he gets home I find myself questioning him and trying to pick holes in what he's telling me, he has done nothing to warrent this and i don't want to end up pushing him away.. Has anyone been through similar and can suggest something to help my anxiety when he's on a (well deserved) night out?
I know I sound like a total control freak so am prepared to be told the same but I really want to change this!

I think trust issues tend to stem either from past experiences with exes or feelings of neglect/abandonment from your childhood. Have you looked up the idea of attachment styles? You might be anxiously attached.

It's good that you've recognised that not trusting him might actually be driving him away.
Somewhat strangely, I completely trusted my ex. And then he cheated on me. But now I'm with a new partner and I still trust him (but would put boundaries on any 'new' female friends he wants to make).

I don't know what the moral is except that if someone wants to cheat, they will, and there is little you can do about it.

Sorry, that might be the worst piece of advice posted on the relationships board for some time.. totally contradicting myself. Eek.

Would it help you to frame this in that you are being somewhat abusive to your DP. He hasn’t done anything wrong or broken your trust yet you badger and harass him and he has to comply with what you want to feel better?

You know the answer is to seek help

You need to seek help.

@Spritesobright thank you ill look up the anxious attachment!
To the other responses, thanks I know this but didn't know where to start hence my post here, just to be clear though I don't set anything out for him to comply to, he has always asked I keep in touch when on a night out so I expect the same in return when he's out

Counselling?

You can excuse it all you like
If you had trust issues from previous RS you must have known about them before you let him move in with you and your DC. And now he lives with you, you can’t control it and are at risk of making all of your lives miserable

This is tough and honest to hear - you are not behaving nicely at all. No matter what the ‘back story’ is to it, this is exactly what abusive men say to women to excuse their behaviour - that it was what happened to them in the past. The answer to that is to deal with it before you get into a RS with some other poor person who doesn’t deserve this!

He does it to make you happy, because you need him to do it because you are insecure and want to control the situation to feel better.

OP you should definitely go and have some counselling about this. My ex was like this and over a two year period it kept getting worse and worse until I finally had to leave. He used to get butterflies whenever I left the house even if it was just to do a quick grocery shop and eventually, he convinced himself that every time he wasnt with me, I must have been cheating on him when. The truth was that in 17 years I never even looked at another man. Nip this in the bud early before your imagination gets away with you and you drive him away. Hope this helps.