Should I allow him to see son?

[saynomore]

Hi all,

I am currently pregnant and separated from partner, there's definitely no hope of us getting back together.
However, we have previously separated for 6 months and have got back together.
Due to emotional, verbal and physical abuse I've told him to leave.
Previously, when we were separated, he use to come pick up our 4 month old son and spend time with him at his home.
Looking back now I do think it would've been better if he'd spend some time at my house, due to how young he was.

Now!! We're in the same situation again, and he's asking to see him. I don't mind, however, I've asked him for divorce and he has been avoiding the topic. I honestly cannot stand the sight of him and I feel like he's using my son as an excuse to avoid the divorce proceedings.

Should I not allow him to see his son until he signs the divorce papers ?

No you can't do that. Him not signing the papers has nothing to do with whether he can see his son. He's not a bargaining tool

Children aren't tools for blackmail.

If you think he's a danger to your son, by all means stop contact. But not purely on the basis he won't sign your divorce papers.

No, of course you shouldn’t do that!

Should he be allowed to avoid paying you child maintenance until you comply with something he wants?

Is the second child also his?

Why would you do that? Children should never be used as bargaining tools!

It sounds like he wants to see his son, if you cannot stand the sight of him then that’s your issue, don’t punish you child.

Peterpower

Yes, the second child is his.
I just want to be divorced already and him not cooperating is making me angry.
He only gives me 200 a month for DS
Isn't that hands on and only comes to see him when it suits him.

You're not getting what you want so you use your child to get that?

Nice.

If he has been physically emotionally and verbally abusive to you is it safe for him to see your son? Can someone else supervise the contact so your child is safe but you don’t have to see him.

He only gives me 200 a month for DS
Isn't that hands on and only comes to see him when it suits him.

But once he signs your divorce papers you're willing to overlook all that which you think is so awful?

So contact the CMS to get maintenance worked out properly and come to an arrangement with him for regular days on which he has contact (if it’s safe for your DC that he has it).

You can eventually push the divorce through via the Courts, if he doesn’t play ball for long enough. If he’s not signing because he thinks he can annoy you then pretend you don’t care. Don’t give him the satisfaction.

Legally you don't have a leg to stand on. A court would award contact unless there are major safeguarding concerns. Contact is not linked to whether maintenance is paid.

Do things the proper way. If he has abused you, report him.

Contact CMS and ask a family member to do the handovers for your son for contact. Your Ex needs to find somewhere to see your son as it won't be done at your house - end of.

Remember that children are not pay per view. He may well be a shitty husband, but your son has a right to a relationship with his father. And unless your Ex has been abusive towards him then you need to facilitate your son's right to have that relationship.

OP, using your child as a bargaining chip in this way is abusive in the extreme.