Would you tell someone you're dating that you take antidepressants?

[dazzlinghaze]

Hi all, just looking for a bit of advice.

I've recently started dating someone new and it's going well and seems to be on track to becoming a relationship. I'm wondering when/if I should disclose that I take antidepressants.

I've been taking 50mg of sertraline since September for mild depression and anxiety and it has really worked wonders for me. I am lucky in that my symptoms were never severe, I just felt like the colour had drained out of my life. Now I feel back to my old self and thankfully haven't suffered from any side effects.

The doctor thinks that my depression was the result of going through a difficult couple of years as I hadn't really suffered with it before so doesn't think I will need them forever but I'm in the mindset that if they keep me feeling like myself, I'm happy to keep taking them.

Part of me thinks it's my business as I don't think it would affect this new man and I wouldn't feel the need to disclose it if I was taking most medications for physical ailments but I also feel a bit dishonest to keep it to myself. Has anyone been in a similar situation? Or if you were dating someone who was on antidepressants would you feel betrayed if they didn't tell you?

Thanks in advance!

It's healthy to be open and honest with someone, especially at the start of a relationship going in.

If your anxiety and depression is quite mild and not likely to cause much of an issue then it's not a pressing matter. But it's something worth mentioning. It's good to know what medication your partner is on in case of emergency.

I've been honest with every person I've gone into a relationship with about my mental health and my treatments (or lack there of) at the time. It's never been judged and I've found its lead to more and better understanding further down the line when my mental health has declined.

That being said, I'm somewhat more prone to deep depression, self harm and suicidal tendencies.

It's completely up to you, OP. Would you want to know of any health issues he has?

I've kind of been on the other end of this. When I started dating my bf (well, when I started chatting to him online), he disclosed that he is a recovering alcoholic (been sober a year). I also knew he'd had mental health issues as a result but due to some changes he'd made to his life (stopping drinking, getting divorced and moving cities) he was in a much better place.

A few weeks into our relationship his behaviour went a bit weird and it turned out that when he met me he stopped taking his AD's as he didn't want me to think any worse of him.

Luckily a friend of his advised him to start taking them again and I echoed this and things picked up again. The fact is, he can't live a healthy life without them at the moment but I'd rather have him in my life on AD's than not in my life not on them. To me, it's medication that keeps him healthy, just as blood pressure medication or any other long-term medication would for other people.

If this guy likes you then being on AD's shouldn't change that. It shows you are doing something about a condition which could otherwise have detrimental effects on you.

Thanks to both of you. It's good to hear opinions from both sides! I will tell him but might wait until we're having the relationship chat. I think if he had a similar issue it would make me feel closer to him if he chose to confide in me.

I’d personally want to know if someone I was about to date took AD.

A friend recently moved in with a man who was on AD, she didn’t know and he actively never took them in front of her. He stopped taking them as everything was ‘great’ in his life and went downhill fast. She couldn’t understand the change in his behaviour and ended up splitting up over it.

She said if she would of known at the beginning then she could of helped him but the damage was done by the time she found out.

I think they are commonly enough taken now that there shouldn't be a sense of shame in disclosing it.

I take them, alongside some other tablets and whilst its not a first date topic, I do mention it.

I’ve been taking 50mg of Sertraline for years for anxiety and didn’t tell DH until we’d been dating for a year or so. Because I’d adjusted to it (a reasonably long term user) he didn’t think it was a big deal and just accepted it, whilst being concerned about my anxiety but also recognising that I was pretty stable, thanks to the AD. I wanted to keep it private until I’d been with him for a bit of time.

Mild depression/anxiety is not the same as being a recovering alcoholic.
I’d say there is no need or urgency to ‘inform me as it’s not affecting your relationship or how you are.
It’s really up to you when you mention it. I’d just go with a flow and it may come up naturally one day.

It's totally up to you. It's probably not something I'd mention on a first date but yeah, if things were progressing then I would mention it. Not in the sense that 'he has a right to know' or anything like that, but more like others have said, just that it can be helpful to mention it so they're aware.

I'd certainly never judge anyone for being on anti-Ds and it wouldn't put me off them at all. If I told someone I'm taking them and it put them off me then I'd think of it as a lucky escape tbh - who wants to be with someone who would judge you for taking medication to help yourself? (I'm not saying that will happen here btw - sorry, I'm just waffling as usual!)

Thanks for all the replies, it's good to hear different opinions. I will tell him because if we end up in a relationship chances are he would find out anyway by seeing me take the tablet or if I leave the packet out by accident or whatever so it's probably better if I broach the subject myself. I'm not quite ready yet though so will wait and see how it goes.

No I wouldn't mention it unless I thought it was going somewhere, especially as you've said it's for mild depression

Unless you have borne discussed all he medication you both take I wouldn't mention it. I have asthma and I've never considered it to be something I would tell my dates. I can't see how it's relevant. In a relationship, yes I'd discuss health and other things. But not with someone I was dating.

Yes. Nothing to be ashamed of.

I've told my BF (of only 7 months) that I have bouts of anxiety - which has just come up during normal conversations.

I haven't told him that I've been on medication for it for 10 + years. It's on my bedside table though and I don't hide it.

I’m in almost the same boat, although I’m on 100mg. I haven’t told new man as it hasn’t really come up in conversation but my ADs are right by my bed because I take them at night and I’m worried I’ll forget otherwise!

I was at the other end of this. Dh had been diagnosed with combat ptsd (and was doing very well when we met) but he didn’t tell me until we were married and had our first kid. I still think that this was unfair and he should have told me.

When we met he was fine, later his health deteriorated and I asked him if there was the possibility he had ptsd, because I realized he had symptoms common in because my friends husband was diagnosed with the disease. He told me that he was checked for ptsd this was not the case. Only much later he told me the truth.

I understand that this is so difficult for a person to talk about but it is not fair for the spouse if you do not tell them.

AD dependency can be really horrible. I’d want to know if someone I was dating was on them. Not because I would stop dating them but just so I was aware that their behaviour might be affected by the medication/to know to watch for symptoms of mental health problems.