Am I being silly to expect more?

[asSASSin8]

I need some advice. I have been seeing my bf for 10 months. We connected really strongly at first, but I think reality is setting in. We have gotten into a routine of travelling to each other's homes (we live about 45 mins apart), eating dinner and watching TV. He then gets tired and practically falls asleep at 9pm. It frustrates me as when we're not together, he is up much later without problem (normally paying video games online with his friends) as he often send messages gone 11pm. It's all a bit boring and become a mundane routine. I miss him when we're apart, but when we're together, I almost wish I had space to do my own thing.

We have talked about it and he agrees with what I'm saying. He says when he's with me, he's really relaxed - but to me it's not much of a compliment when he falls asleep so early when he's with me. I may as well be on my own doing the things I'd prefer.

Having come out of a 15 year relationship, I was hoping for a bit more than this especially at this stage IYSWIM. Am I being silly and a little unreasonable to expect more?

No, you're not being at all unreasonable! how dull! I assume it wasn't like this at the beginning? Do you or he no longer suggest dates out? Do you have sex or is he too tired for that too?

How often do you see him OP? It sounds really tedious and pointless to be honest. I don’t think you’re being silly at all. No-one wants to be someone else’s comfort blanket after only 10 months.

Sounds like it might have run its course now...

This relationship is both of your responsibility.
Get out of the house. Get out of the rut.

Go on a date night once a week. If you're out having fun he can't fall asleep.

Sexy it up a bit. Eat dinner and then go throw on some lingerie.

Take control of the situation! He will either follow suit or you will figure out he's not as into making it work as you are.

We see each other up to 5 nights one week and 3 nights a week the other on a rotational basis. We get to spend EOW together and that is also a drag unless I recommend something.

Sex life was amazing, but is becoming less unless I initiate now - which is becoming increasingly difficult now he's falling asleep so damn early. I have done lingerie, made effort and still do, which I don't mind. However the effort could be reciprocated a bit more. When we have sex it is great and he is generous in that aspect, it could just use a bit more thoughtful initiation on his part. I have a high sex drive, so it doesn't take much (Sorry if TMI).

I just feel that this is almost too easy for him. No real effort is made because he's feels it's not needed. Perhaps he is fulfilled in this relationship and I am not because I want more. I guess I just wanted to check I wasn't being silly, unreasonable or expecting too much. Having been in a LTR, I am used to the routine and daily life - I just thought at this stage ti should be different.

Also, the comment about being a comfort blanket has really struck a chord with me. I hadn't though about it in that way, but boy does it resonate.

That's a lot of seeing each other given the distance, perhaps take more time to yourselves and give each other a chance to miss each other more. It sounds, however, though that you've got into a rut very quickly, so if you were to progress the relationship to living together in the future, I think it could become mundane easily.

You see each other far too much IMO. You've become like an old couple married for years!

If you want to continue seeing him, cut the frequency down and make it clear you want dates out of the house. Take turns to choose venues.

It may be best to end it and seek someone more like minded though. Even the sex has got boring! you can only instigate it yourself so much and so many times until it harms your self esteem. Lots of men would love a highly sexed, interesting partner. You sound wasted on this bloke tbh.

Not in the least unreasonable he sounds dull and as if he has the get up and go of someone in his nineties and in poor health. You sound as if you've been the one putting in the majority of the work at trying to make things less toe-clenchingly dull. That clearly isn't going to change do you really want to spend the rest of your life with Mr 9 pm Snoozy?

For context, a friend of mine and her husband both fall asleep on their separate sofas in front of the TV every night around that time. They're now divorcing after 20 years. The boredom got to both of them and, despite marriage counselling, turned out to be unfixable.

I think I will have to have another talk and suggest we see each other less frequently, in order to hopefully spend more quality time together. I just don't think we should have reached this stage at 10 months. I feel like we've plateaued.