Want to leave, advice needed

[Fuckmyliferightnow]

I need to leave my EA DP but I'm worried about claiming UC and moving out, can anyone advise?

I'm getting my ducks in a row slowly,

I did an entitled to calculation but it talks about capital if you own your home, we jointly own our house and bought it 2 years ago.

How do I find out how much capital I have?
Will I have to spend money finding out just so I can claim? i am skint!

I'm terrified this will force me to stay with him.

I work 22 hours a week in a minimum wage job and have a 9 year old.

Does anyone have experience or advice?

I can't put up with the bullying and manipulation anymore.
He's also cheating, I just have no proof and will never get it, I've tried.

I'm feeling pretty hopeless atm and the more I look into stuff the more questions I have.

Does anyone have any knowledge?

I would phone Women's Aid and see if they can give you advice.
I used a free solicitor to help when i left my abusive Ex H.

Your local CAB will probably be able to help you with what you will be entitled to.

Have you got any other support from family and friends?

Sorry..... free Solicitor volunteered one morning a week at local Women's Aid.

Sometimes you can get free advice at a Personal Support Unit attached to Courts.

I

I want to avoid court at all costs.

I'm scared to ring Women's aid.

Hi - your capital is money you have in the bank. Is it sole or joint? If you leave can you access money?

Benefits wise -If a property is up for sale it’s disregarded for 26 weeks. If it’s a disputed asset (subject to divorce proceedings, it’s disregarded until divorce is finalised)
If you’ve only had it 2 years there can’t be much equity? Would he buy you out?
Make sure you have some money behind you if you can, UC can take awhile to sort out - around six weeks sometimes.

See a solicitor for advice if you can.

It's joint.

I have no money behind me, it's hard to save.

I will have to het a loan when I go.

Mostly I'm confused about this capital and home ownership stuff, it makes me panic and freeze, I don't really know where to start with it all.

I guess Women's aid is a good place to start.

Why do you want to avoid court at all costs?

Women's Aid do an online chat. You can also contact the Rights of Women rightsofwomen.org.uk/ What you need is proper legal advice and to understand your options - knowledge will give you strength.

When you bought the house how much deposit was put down and do you think the house has gone up in value.

The capital in the house is a fair valuation of what it would sell flor less the mortgages owed. If you've only owned it 2 years it is likely around the deposit put down.

Only 50% of that would be yours anyway.

Unless you have savings of over £32k (your share being £16k) you can still claim benefit. I’ve processed claims for benefit.
You can still claim if you own a property.

I want to avoid court because I have no money.

We bought the house from a friend, it was a state so got a good price apparently. It's just the cost of finding all this out that worries me.

Also he will know and I don't want to tell him until I have somewhere, I couldn't live with him after telling him I'm leaving.

Last time I told him I wanted to leave he broke things, threatened suicide, called me a cunt, it was awful!

I need to be discreet about it.

It sounds like your best option would be a refuge.

I avoided court as I had no money. I just saw free solicitors at CAB, Women’s Aid and at the PSU at the court, they have volunteers that give advice.

You are right to do it discreetly. Find the courage to ring Women’s Aid, I’m sure they will give you advice on how to exit safely.

Do you have any friends or family that can put you up for around 5/6 weeks until the UC comes through? Or can you borrow some money for rent and bond and move ?

Start looking for a place to rent. Book into a CAB and get info.

I have no family where I am, I can't move away to be near them, he would just go to court and have me moved back. He will do everything he could to fuck me over.

I've been in a refuge before and I have no intention of going back to one. It took years to build my life back up and I'm not doing that again in my forties.

Sorry that sounded horrible, I wasn't being horrible, it's just not an option for me.

It may be the option that lets you and DC move away to be near your support though. If you have no access to money how are you going to arrange a rental?

Surely his chances of getting you to forced to move back (so long as still in the same country) are pretty remote if it's documented you had to leave via a refuge due to abuse? If you are then near your family it means your stay will be short as surely they will be better placed to help you once you are near them?

Get our, sort out court ordered residency for DC (I would look at starting the ball rolling the instance you leave or perhaps a few days before). Those will need to be your priorities?

Call Women’s Aid
They can put you in touch with more local support services. They signposted me to a fantastic organisation called Harbour (NE England) who helped with so much including help with what I could claim, activities for my two oldest children, moral support, They even got me reduced solicitor fees with a great firm. The best thing was though that they got me a place on the Freedom Programme while I was involved in an awful court battle and it really helped me see my ex for the pathetic weasel he is. Abusers always are pathetic because deep down they are bullies and cowards.m abusing women and children because they are seen as weaker and vulnerable.

As you jointly own the property I would recommend a solicitor and you need some advice in terms of you being your child’s primary carer, he needs a home etc. Abusers almost always try and weaponise the children and make threats re contact and custody you should prepare yourself for this.

Good luck but you will not regret leaving someone like this. He will wreck you head and your life don’t let him

Thank you.

I'm so worried that upheaval and hurt it cause. It still feels like I'm being dramatic and weak, denial I guess.

I was going to get a loan from the bank or a friend.

You can get an idea of what your house is worth by look at Zoopla it has a function there that estimates current value.

Do you know how much deposit was put down or how much you borrowed?

£5000 deposit, we bought it for £110,000.

It says it's up £25K. Ffs!

This is going to messier than I thought.

Nah that's £30k between you so £15k each.

Speak to council housing department. Where I lived they did a deposit loan scheme. If you were leaving for DA (including emotional) you were permitted to claim housing element for renting provided you were in the process of divorcing.

Okay, so I need to look around and ask questions. I've started with Women's aid.

Yes, but you don’t own it outright do you?? If you sell you don’t get £110k.
Is it emotional abuse or domestic violence. He should leave really....
Yes, go to women’s aid for advice
Good luck x

I get that it's not nice having to say you're being abused, but please do make sure when you ask for help from WA or the council or CAB or whoever else that you clearly state you have been suffering domestic abuse. Otherwise they can't give you the right advice and you might end up in a difficult spot you didn't need to be in.

The bullying, manipulation, cheating are examples of his abuse. All people need to hear from you is "domestic abuse". There's a risk of you just mention isolated examples some people won't understand the significance.

Is it safe for you to keep a diary (maybe password protected on your phone or online somewhere) of what goes on day to day? A lot of the low level stuff you are probably so used to you don't notice anymore so having a written record of how this is manifesting and affecting you in your daily life will help you - both when you need to explain things to others and when you're doubting yourself.