Confused over my relationship what to do :(

[candycanesxo]

He is my first real long term partner I dated a few before him, I'm 26 and been together 7 years.
We nearly broke up end of last year after many arguments over him spending more time with me he was glued to his gaming PC and wanting feel like a couple not roomates!
I feel so confused I love him and look forward coming home being with him and am completely comfortable around him, trust him and is very kind man but he is very lazy in the sense of him saving money / he works but struggles have money always has. He dosnt drive either another thing I Keep telling him to do as I'm fed up feel like I'm just stuck in a rut all we do is work and sit in front of the TV most nights on seperate devices/laptops. We watch the occasional film / cook together. But this is about it? He also never initiates sex and I want it more than him it's now been about 3 weeks .

We don't have children either so part me keeps questioning why I feel so stuck in a rut? I also don't have any friends where we live.
We are planning to go abroad later this year. He is now saying he is saving to drive.

I don't know what to do I don't want to split up I know relationships take work but jsut feel like is this all I'll ever get?? ( Grass greener) or am I just moaning and this is just what life is? I mean not like I hate being around him?? Jesus love so complicated 😂🤔 xxx

Does gaming take priority over your relationship? Do you things together? Do you have plans for the future? Do you feel loved and appreciated? Are you happy?

I am happy it's hard it's just some things he doing annoys me the way he is quite lazy/ never saving money. His gaming used to take over the relationship but we go on them together now and we are doing better.

Not sure about the future I still look forward seeing him but I quess just coasting along just wanting go on holidays together

Sounds like you've outgrown him. That's not a bad thing - most people don't end up with the person they got with at 19.

I agree, I think you've both grown in 7 years but in different ways. He sounds like he's still in teenage mode though tbh. I know so many couples for whom the gaming and not saving is the norm for the slightly useless bloke (whilst having some good qualities), and the woman wants to do loads of things and then they have kids and the woman does it all and ends up resentful and they all split.

I think you need to decide the life and partner you want. Talk to your partner about whether he feels the same. But it does sound like it might be time for you to move on to different (and better for you) things.

Just don't know what to do it hurts me thinking I lost him :( but at same time thinks he is doing/ behaving irritates me such as him always sleeping in all the time and not having a lot of money so confused 😞

You and he should not be together any more.

You are unhappy in this relationship and this is because he is lazy and uninterested in having a relationship.

Raise your bar here and end this relationship before you feel even more resentful of him and of your own self for choosing this relationship for yourself

You’ve been with him also since you were 19 and I would argue now you need time on your own.

He is into gaming and that’s his main relationship. It’s his main priority, it’s not with you and likely never has really been with you either.

You’re basically doing what he wants, this gaming is the only thing you do together. You do not have sex or really go out at all and this is also because of his gaming

I felt like this when I was your age. I’d been with my DP since I was 18. But as things weren’t terrible - just boring, irritating and incompatible- I didn’t leave.

I stayed throughout my 30s and we had 2 DC. Having those DC magnified everything that was irritating/ incompatible about him. My tolerance for him disappeared. Co-parenting brought out the differences between us.

So we split up in the end (in our 40s).

Apart from not wanting to wish my DC out of existence, I do wish I’d left him when I knew we weren’t right. When I was your age!

He was a gamer too. I tried gaming with him but it wasn’t really my thing.

As far as I know he still is - at age 48.

My 11yo DD complains about him “always playing some game on his phone”

I don’t miss him at all.

You have grown apart (you have matured and outgrown him)

He sounds like a teenager, not being able to drive, gaming all the time, being short of money all the time. What a bore.

He's never going to change, please don't have children with this man.

You need a man who has a bit of ambition, and lust for life.

He is holding you back, let him go to be lazy by himself, you can enjoy going abroad and living life.

If you really don't want to split, have a serious talk about your future and whether it involves being together but be prepared for him not to change and you having to walk away.

Do you live together?

I'm not sure how you can have been together 7 years, say you're happy, but have no clue where you're headed.

Do you not talk about your future and what your ambitions are, both individually and as a couple?

You need to decide what you want from life for you. Then you need to find out what he wants. Then you need to decide whether it's even possible for you both to be together and have the lives you both want.

Thank you everyone X and yes we live together, and quess don't really have ambitions couple wise? I am very much into art/cake decorating and working on my own business for that over next few years, we rent the house we live in now so feels though never going have a mortgage as very difficult to save up. And yes not sure I even want children at all. It's just difficult knowing what to do 😞 thank you all the help so far xx I know no one can tell me the answer I don't want to loose him jsut I question if this is all it will be forever and I have nothing else to really compare/go off as don't have many friends at all.

This will be forever if you don't make a change, because he won't.