Inability to manage his time

[Mikethenight2good]

I am tearing my hair out lately with my husband inability to manage his time better......

Examples include; tonight he had to do dinner and sort the kids out for bed by himself because I had to work late. We both knew this yesterday so nothing unplanned. He has worked from home today...and everything is late. The kids were still up past their bed time and dinner hasn't been started. I do this time solo regularly and just plan ahead so we can have a evening.

Our child care is away on holiday. We sit down and plan out how we are going to manage and who needs to cover when. Then on Tuesday he rings me he can't cover one day as he didn't check his work diary.

I was out most of the day with the kids on Saturday. He was home. There was no laundry put on / dinner sorted / job done. He did stuff but was faffing (he tidyed up apparently but it sounded like 20-30 mins max).

There are loads of other examples. Things never get done on time or I am constantly nagging so it is done....

I feel like screaming JUST GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER.

And for reference yes he has always been like this. But I was shit at stuff before the kids and have had sort it out otherwise since their were born. So always being like that doesn't mean it's ok to continue...

It really is soul destroying, I had two husbands like this and quite honestly it wore me down to the bone over the years.
I took the decision to live alone and love it. Get home, there is no mess, nothing to do I can just relax. I don't miss either of them.
It's not so easy when you have kids but I've learnt you simply cannot change people. His heart simply isn't in "womens work" so he'll never learn how to do it.
Is he good at anything else that he might do properly, DIY, gardening, cooking anything? Sometimes it's all about splitting the household tasks and sticking with what everyone is comfortable with.
Personally I have no time for that shit, it's pull your weight or leave.

Or completely lower your standards, if you can bear it.

I just had a flashback to my XH.

He just could not prioritise work in his head. So, say I asked him to sort out dinner, hoover the living room, check the bank statement and put a load of washing on, he would do it IN THAT EXACT ORDER. Instead of thinking 'if I put the washing on first, that will be done in time to hang out when I've finished everything else, dinner doesn't need to be looked at until last, better do the bank statement while the bank is open in case there's a query, and hoover just before I do dinner', he would literally lay out the dinner ingredients, then hoover, then do the bank statement and wonder why I thought he'd be able to have the washing dry before I got home to iron it!

It drove me insane. Just one of the reasons he's an ex!

You're not breaking up the family - he is.

@Milkcomesfromcows 'ADHD?'

It's a thing. @Mikethenight2good in the rare event it's found out he has ADHD (only a professional can assess this really- I got a good degree and it didn't mean I didn't have it) the good thing is some people respond well to medication and it might really change his behaviour. Worth getting a diagnosis and giving it a go.

'I also find him incredibly negative which is draining.
I really need to think what to do. The whole thing wears me down but I don't want to break up a family home.'

Negativity can be really hard work. If you find his behaviour too much, you have a right to end it. Breaking up a family where one/both of the parents aren't happy is perfectly reasonable. It doesn't mean they won't see him.

Just to add to pps, i can be very like this and I strongly believe I have adhd - not diagnosed but it runs in the family and I show very strong signs.

I can cope with work because the routine of work keeps me in line but normal life can be chaotic and overwhelming.

That doesn't mean to say he is trying his best, childcare isn't really something that can slip and he needs to be working on his time management xx