She doesn't love me the same

[Only90skidswillunderstand]

Last year me and my partner argued alot and I agreed to change as it was me who was the problem I also asked her if she could try herself to be more loving (not just in the bedroom) as I felt that she was being distant. Now we are in the new year we had a small argument again where she told me she doesn't love me the same and she has lost all romantic feelings for me we talked it out and she doesn't know the reason all she knows is that she just doesn't. It's hit me quite hard as I was really trying to change and she even said I have changed alot but it hasn't changed her feelings for me I feel so alone right now she is there but not "there" I always think if she doesn't love me in a romantic way then there is a space for someone else to jump into it in her life I always thought it would be me but obviously things have changed what do I do?

I’m really sorry to hear this OP. What did she want you to change about yourself and was it realistic?

Perhaps it might be best to give her some space for a while? Do you live together?

@canada125 she wanted me to put more effort in myself but didn't mention anything specific, so I have shaved more often, (I like having a beard but she doesn't but I can look past this tbh) I bought new clothes something I never really do, bought new aftershave and even started a skin care routine 😂 she also mentioned about helping out around the house more as I work 10hr shift 5 days a week and don't get home till nearly half 11 at night so I even stayed up and done the dishes and swept and mopped the floor just to help her out in the day which she said was helping but it never bought back the romantic feelings for me non of the above did which to me is really heartbreaking as I tried so hard and all I asked for her was to try and love me

Sorry to say this but unfortunately those type of things will rarely bring out romantic love or sexual attraction in women once they've been lost.

How long have you been together? IME over the years the drip, drip, drip of things erode feelings and just because you’ve started helping now and are taking more care of your appearance, doesn’t undo years of not doing that iyswim.

From your last post, it sounds perfectly possible you usually make zero effort with your appearance — there’s a big difference between a well-groomed beard and someone who just doesn’t shave often, for instance — and appear to want to be congratulated on buying new clothes because you never do. Are you a slob who always wears old, unkempt clothes?

And you keep talking in terms of ‘helping her out’. Unless you only occasionally spend time in her house, you’re not ‘helping her out’. Living in a house involves domestic chores, which should be shared as equally as possible, or outsourced. Yes, you work long hours, but you would need to cook and clean regardless of those hours, if you lived alone. Are you a misogynist who thinks women ‘naturally’ do the domestic chores?

It may be that the answer to both these questions is ‘no’, obviously.

Oh no my clothes are definitely not unkempt to be honest as I have said I work alot I buy new clothes and they last a while cause I rarely wear them I buy news ones but basically the same style if you know what I mean nothing that stands out, as for my beard I do keep it tamed she just doesn't like the beard look which is fair as for cleaning and cooking I do the cooking just as much as her on my days off im the one in the kitchen and if I do an early shift aswell I don't expect her to clean at all if the house if messy when I get home that's fine I have a quick tidy round myself have dinner then go bed wake up then do a full tidy around like I say I don't expect anything from her it seems like she expects it from me, I don't want to be congratulated for buying new clothes at all either or a well done for shaving just a "you look nice in that" to throw a hint that it's what she wants to see, I have a style that's literally a plain top and jeans she obviously wants to see something else which she has never said what though

I don't think she wants to see you in something else, it won't make a difference.

Sorry to say that but I need to be blunt with you.
Any changes you make to your appearance should be for you.
When you're doing the housework then do it because it's something that has to be done and is partly your responsibility, it won't make her romantic feelings come back.

You're clinging onto a little bit of hope that if you just change this or that small thing then all the romance and intimacy will come back, that doesn't happen.

Then I’m sorry, it sounds as if it’s run its course for her.

If she’s not into you then there is nothing you can do other than actually give her space and possibly a chance for her to miss you.
Other than than then the relationship may have ran it’s course.