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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How to deal with friend like this ?

27 replies

Sugarcainx · 15/01/2020 17:08

It's not that she's a bad friend as such, just seems to be very insecure. She lives abroad but we speak every day, and every message contains some sort of boast about her.
She's only early 30s but tells me every single time someone told her/thought she was younger, every single time.
She teaches adults as a job and pretty much every day there are messages about how well she did, how they loved her classes, how they gave her great feedback.
Someone always fancies her, and the taken guy at the gym is always teasing her, apparently.
I don't know what i'm expected to reply every time.
On the other hand, if ever I say something she's tried to play it down.
I went to donate blood for the first time, I was very nervous but the nurses were so kind. I told her and she said, "well it's normal they're nice, theyre doing their job !"

The staff I worked with organised a leaving breakfast for me when I changed jobs, even though I hadn't been there that long. When I told her her reply was, "Well they do that for anyone who leaves !"

With the exception of 1 very attractive celebrity, every single guy Ive shown her a picture of (prospective dates for example or boyfriends) are 'not her type'. So I don't send them any more.

I suppose this comes from insecurity, she has to keep trying to big herself up. Just honestly find it annoying now, how would you react ?

OP posts:
Gutterton · 16/01/2020 14:53

Be really clear that many of her other friends will also find her behaviour intolerable and will have adapted / withdrawn their friendship to minimise contact. You could also argue that you are enabling or endorsing her bad behaviour by accepting and condoning it if there is no feedback from you either explicitly or implicitly.

If you can’t tolerate just not responding then maybe do a sort of couch to 5k approach on this....
Don’t respond to her daily texts for 24hrs for 3 days and then just with a thumbs up.
Then only respond after 48 hrs from day 3-7 - again only thumbs up.
Then only after a week.
Then don’t bother.

She isn’t a friend.
Do you know this?
Do you have issues of living your life and taking decisions due to feelings of FOG (fear, obligation, guilt) - these are to suit someone else - these feelings are not your own and is a toxic way to live. Your own feelings if you listen to them and then feel confident to act on them are that this isn’t someone who cares for you or brings positively to your life and you to theirs.

Buggedandconfused · 16/01/2020 14:59

Definitely, just:

That’s nice and 👍 alternately. Also don’t read her messages for at least 7-8 hours, even a day. Leave them on unread.

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