Partner out all night.

[LianneN]

So my partner of 9 years has always been one to go out usually once a week but just recently he has started going out 3 times a week and most times not coming home til 8am, I don’t hear anything from him while he’s out despite numerous texts to ask where he is. Like yesterday for example he told me at 1pm he was nipping into town to get his phone fixed and I didn’t hear anything from him until 9am this morning. All of his friends are single and all do drugs, so this is normal for them! He tells me every time that’s he’s sorry he wants to come home but has no self control when he’s out. We have a 3 year old together and I feel like he’s trying to live a single life with the benefits of a relationship and family. He will go out 3 times a week but then be in bed all the next day with a hangover if he’s not at work. He thinks because he’s paying his half of the bills he can do what he likes to with his money, am I being stupid to keep allowing this to happen?

And where does he claim to be for the 12/18 hrs he’s out? Sounds like he’s cheating, does he not work if he’s in bed all day?

am I being stupid to keep allowing this to happen?
In a nutshell.... YES!!!
Why are you putting up with this?
Do you work?
Could you manage all the bills etc. on your own?
What is the actual point of him?
He's a drug addict and most likely cheating.
So why stay with him?
Could you go to family or friends for a while?

Tell him the next time he chooses to have no self control,because that's what it is,his CHOICE then you will pack up his stuff and leave it in the doorstep for him.

He can choose his family or his mates and drugs up to him.

I wouldn't have accepted it again after the first time op.

Raise your standards here

He's not bringing anything to the table is he? If he's out half the time and either hungover or working for the remainder, he's not doing any parenting or taking responsibility for anything household related. He would be legally obligated to pay maintenance for his daughter if you split, so he'd still have to contribute financially but you wouldn't have to put up with all this shit and neither would your child.

This is no life for you or your child for that matter.

What do you want to teach your child about relationship and what is he/she learning here?.

What is the point of you and he being together at all now?. He is taking you for a right idiot and muggins here.

Don't put up with it, I've put up with that for 6years and coming out the other side now, what a waste of time. It will get worse.
Look at it from do u want your child seeing this has a normal relationship. Its hard but think long run and what's best for your dc

He has no respect for you and you will end up having none for yourself if you tolerate him any longer.

I work part time, I would have to claim universal credit but I would be covered financially. My worry is that my son will grow up thinking this behaviour is normal. I know if I was giving advice I would be telling them to get out but it’s so hard when it’s a long term relationship and your family. He says he’s at his mates where they usually go from 4ish or at the casino.

I find this hard to believe but if it's true why the fuck have you not kicked him out? What's the point of him?

But it’s not a relationship and you’re not a family. Think about it in practical terms. What would actually be the difference if you kicked him out? He is modelling this behaviour for your son. That this is how you treat partners and your children.

Three times a week and he’s got a family at home? No that’s not on and I don’t see the point of being with him.

How is he funding this?

He sounds awful to be quite frank.

You work and also provide all the childcare? Does he take responsibility for anything? Does he care about the fact that he's a father? What kind of example is this setting for your son? Do you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who expects you to raise his child and pay the bills while he messes about with his friends?

I think you know the answer to your question OP, come on...

He does work, self employed so he can pick and choose when he wants to work.

This gets worse.
So he is also gambling away family money as well as snorting it up his nose.
NO OP!!!
Not OK at all.
You are right, your DS will grow up thinking this normal and it's not!
Time to show your DC that women can and do cope on their own without fuckwit males dragging them down.

Yes you are being stupid to tolerate this.

If I knew you in RL I would have you down as a complete mug. Is this what you envisioned for yourself ? All you deserve ?

I think not.

Thank you all, I know deep down that this is not right think I just needed to hear other people’s opinion to give me the push I need.

It’s not normal behaviour
He could be getting up to all sorts have you been to a sexual health clinic to get yourself checked out?

I think you are just drifting along not wanting to rock the boat, but it seems to me the boat has been sinking for a long time.

He has no respect for you or your son and you deserve much better!

Thank you, I’m dreading going home after work but I know me and my son both deserve better and time to sort this.

You are being a doormat. Find some self respect and LTB.