I’ll try to keep this short.. I’ve been involved with a guy on and off for almost 4 years. We started a friends with benefits relationship, as he was going through special forces selection and couldn’t commit to anything. I had an abortion quite early into this situation without telling him, as I didn’t want to add stress into his life and potentially ruin his chances with his career. Selfish I know, but I knew neither of us was ready for a child. It’s had quite a negative impact on my mental health... the guilt of keeping it quiet and of what I did.
We got into an argument a few years ago and he blocked me. I was devastated, but moved on. About 2 years ago, he unblocked me after a year. I was shocked and angry but didn’t tell him about the abortion. He wanted to resume the FWB situation, but I was reluctant and kept making excuses. He’s been in an out of my life since then, but recently we got closer and he began phoning me again, and telling me he cared about me. I started to trust him and felt like I was ready to tell him everything. We agreed to meet up a few weeks ago, but my father died unexpectedly. I’ve been struggling with grief and this guy told me I could call him anytime and has been offering his support. I phoned him, crying, partly with guilt and partly with grief and he told me I could talk to him anytime I wanted.
The day after my fathers funeral, my birthday, we got into an argument and he told me he couldn’t work out why he was an endless source of pain to me, and blocked me once again.
I’m utterly broken... I don’t know how anyone can be so cruel, especially a man I had started to trust once again.
I was blocked on WhatsApp, so decided to text him via regular message and broke down and told him everything. No reply, nothing.
I never expected a relationship or commitment from this guy, but at least expected him to care about me as a friend after all this time. Or is it my fault for having an abortion without telling him? Any advice would be welcome....