Sorry for the long post. I just don't know what to do.
I have been with my partner for 10yrs, we have a 1 year old and a mortgage together.
When we had the baby he said I didn't need to work as he can afford bills and mortgage etc, which he does.
We have argued so much over the 10 years that to me it's just normal now.
He hates my family. To the point that he refused to let me see them at Christmas because ds didn't deserve to be punished by me making him spend time with them.
He has said he wants another child, but I am stopping him because as long as my Nan is alive we will never have another child because she is a vile human being and he wishes she was dead.
He wants me to quit my hobby (I have done for just over 20 years it's nothing new) because I don't get paid for it so he says I'm wasting my time. When I was pregnant during an argument I said I would quit, but a few weeks after having ds I decided I didn't want to give it up, and now he says I'm unreasonable.
He says I 'sit on my arse all day and do nothing' I cook, clean, wash, look after our child etc.
He constantly makes remarks which he says after are jokes but they hurt me and I've told him, like I'm fat, ugly, lazy, a bad mother.
He blames his moods on anyone and everything. He's either ill, or it's work, it's me or our son.
He says I have too much stuff in the house. Even Christmas Day (before lunch) he made me take all the bags of presents upstairs cuz it was all too much crap lying around.
When we have big arguments - he threatens to leave, I usually try and stop him which always ends in screaming, tears, me begging him not to go.
I do have a temper when things get so heated so I am to blame and I have said nasty things back.
He has said in the past I ruined our family life because I refused years ago to move to the other side of the world with him, and if I had our son would be having a much better life rn and I ruined it all.
The last few months I've been seriously considering leaving him. I've researched housing and help with benefits until I can sort childcare and work. Yesterday I told him this and he said fine leave then and he's refusing to even talk to me about any of it. All he said was that he thought everything was fine.
I still am debating leaving. I know he's going to put all the blame on me, I already feel guilty for researching what I have behind his back, but I just don't think he's happy with me anymore and I'm sure he would be better off without us ruining anymore of his life