I had the best date of my life and now...

[AppetiteforApples]

I am a bit of a mess! We’ve only had 3 dates, each about 6 hours long. We’ve not done the deed and I don’t intend to for a while but we’ve done other stuff (I’m 34 and realise that sounds a bit childish, can’t think of a better way to phrase it 😬)

I’ve been on LOADS of dates. This time I actually like someone and it’s knocked me for 6. After date one, at end of Dec, he text and suggested date two. On date two I asked when we’d have date three and we organised it. We’ve since arrange dated four (Saturday).

Whenever I’ve dated I’ve had lots of messages, people chasing to meet me and see me again, clear indication that they are willing to re arrange their time to fit in a date etc etc. I suppose just a feeling of being quite keen. But then I’ve never liked any of these people! This man is not like that, he doesn’t chase, he will have long ish phone calls now and then but texts are limited. He will disappear from WhatsApp half way through a convo then pick up the following day as he’s just gone to sleep! In a relationship I wouldn’t be arsed about any of this as I love my own space, but at the start of something it makes it really hard to judge whether he’s really into this?

The thing is, he’s very relaxed and I’m a bit of a worrier by nature. So it could just be that perhaps. Or maybe he’s not really bothered and I’m getting a taste of my own medicine following lots of dates where I’ve been really not bothered about them and see them a few times.

Advice welcome!!! Don’t want to ruin this if it’s something good.

I suspect from what you've said about other men being keen but you not having interest that the reason you feel particularly attracted to him is BECAUSE he's somewhat unavailable.

Personally, I'd find that kinda rude to just disappear during the middle of a conversation and would interpret it as him not being that invested.

beautiful I think that’s probabky true as I don’t like to feel suffocated and so I quickly end it with these other people. However on date one I was pretty invested with this one and that’s never ever happened before, so part of me does think maybe I’m analysing him more than others. Maybe in the past other men had gaps between messages and I simply didn’t notice as I didn’t care?

Being
Love bombed is over rated

That said, my husband turned up at my on the pretext that he’d lost his phone... and never left ❤️❤️

It does sound like you’ve fallen a wee bit for him, which happens to me too so don’t feel bad about it! Relax and enjoy it, be optimistic and hope for the best! Try not to think about it so much, you may wonder why you ever worried at all!

**happened

This is partly the natural pull you experience when someone is demonstrating they're not desperate for you. The other men have appeared super keen, which has probably subconsciously devalued them to you. This guy is not demonstraing the same desperation...he is subsequently elevated in desirability.

I think that’s probabky true as I don’t like to feel suffocated and so I quickly end it with these other people

It would be interesting to wonder if your feelings towards him would change if he suddenly became super keen? I think there is something to be said for someone being just a little bit unavailable at the beginning- it makes you feel on edge and therefore "excited" in some way. When you know someone is predictably there all the time you kind of take it for granted whereas he probably represents a challenge!

I think the key here is to only invest the equivalent to what he is investing in you. Match him for his interest and initiation. That way you are less likely to throw yourself in at the deep end and risk getting hurt

Do I play the same game and keep it cool or message and take more interest?

Not sure how to play it!

I think if he suddenly became keen that on honesty it would put me off. Getting to know him slower is better and strangely feels more sincere.

I just want to know he likes me as I like him! Then he can not speak for a week and id still be calm

I think keep doing what your doing - it seems to be working so far!

I wouldn't try hard to 'play it' ! But if he is the main one initiating contact he may feel he's not getting much back from you in chat. Is that possible that's he's doing more of the grunt work of asking questions? Are you properly reciprocating exchanges with questions about what's going on for him?

I agree about being love bombed. It happened to me twice within the same year and both men then fell to pieces within weeks.
I think this was also why I was wary of DP at first as he was never over the top or full on. But actually he’s the most wonderful, consistent, reliable man I’ve ever met and he makes me very happy even if he shows affection in a much more understated way

Getting to know him slowly may be more sincere but you MUST stop over analysing. You are making my nerves fray just reading the thread

Yes I think I have! I could reply to his smiley face I guess?!

Sort of seems a bit pointless though. He could have said something else if he wanted to chat?

Please let us know how your next date goes!!

I think if he suddenly became keen that on honesty it would put me off

haha! I knew it!

not judging you btw, I would feel the same

I would simply invest in him only what he invests in you. So, if he's casual and not around much then dont spend time waiting around for him- you go out and meet other people/go on other dates. If he initiates dates, then you initiate the next one, if he doesnt text much then I wouldnt text him back much either and so on... The reason for this is- if you feel you have fallen for him you are naturally going to want to invest heavily and quickly and that could lead to you getting really hurt. Just hang back a bit and let this unfold naturally and organically.

I hate that I over analyse!

I’m the worst when it comes to this...if we were in a relationship I’d be sooo much more chilled! It’s nice to know others have found it stressful and not blissfully happy romance from the off

People often say it just felt easy when they met the one! Why am I having a racing heart and feeling on edge! (I know it’s too soon to be thinking of the one!!)

Some people are just not into constant texting. I’m not. I find conversations going back and forth for hours on end tedious.
Don’t over think it.

Definitely didn’t feel easy for me, but I did know i had met someone special

No game playing. You are an adult.

The smiley face could be because he's thinking of you, wants to make contact but doesn't have time to type a full message.

6 hour dates? Where did you go? He clearly likes you a lot , I can't imagine wanting to spend 6 hours with anyone
And if he's a shift worker in a hospital, his personal time & space will be very limited - I'm sure he won't want to and won't have time to use that time engrossed in his phone, even if it is someone he really likes.
I think it all sounds good

Well once was just a lunch that went on until 6pm, the other two times were at his place and going out near where he lives.

I am no good at this not knowing thing. Most men would have said they couldn’t wait to see me on Saturday! Nothing like that from him!