I'm really sorry this is long, I desperately need some advice.
I don't know where to post this for the best advice and most traffic.
I broke up with the father of my 2 kids, 2 years ago. He was controlling, verbally cruel and financially abusive.
Since then he has made it his mission to make things difficult. He started out saying he'll give me £100 per month for them, and if he bought anything he would deduct it from that amount. So I went to CMS, so he denied paternity.
All that is sorted now, but obviously we had to do a paternity test.
He started out having the kids Friday after school until Sunday until he got with his girlfriend, now he will only have them from Saturday mornings untill Sunday afternoons. Twice a month.
He was sending me messages telling me when he would have them what day and time with about 2 weeks notice, and if I didn't agree he would get abusive and accuse me of not letting him see HIS kids. Which means for a year I was basically not planning anything, not doing anything for fear of him kicking off that he couldn't have them. So in an attempt to stop this I ignore him and try to live life, but obviously he just ramps his anger up.
He says it's because he works shifts and his rota is none of my business, but he gets his rota a year in advance and he works for a well known organisation who would and have in the past been very supportive when it comes to families.
I attempted mediation before last summer and he refused, I still have the paperwork to prove this.
He simply will not co operate and recently I have had to use my mum as a go between as everytime he spoke to me he was abusive and would call me names. Womens Aid said that I was in my rights to not have contact with him.
So he took to arranging pick up with our 11 year old son. I don't believe that is right. I want contact done formally. So after speaking to a legal aid lawyer she said to stop contact and let him take me to court. So I sent him a signed for and tracked letter via Royal Mail notifying him of this last week, I am waiting to hear, if he responds at all.
But he has taken to waiting outside our sons secondary school, giving him letters to give to me, and having contact this way, which means he doesn't see our daughter at all, which will only cause problems if she realises. School will only get involved if there is a court order.
Is there anything else I can do, I want them to see them, because believe it or not he actually takes them out and does fun things with them, which he never used to do when we lived together, and quite honestly everything was down to me, even on his off days. Plus I cant always afford to do these things and the kids enjoy it.
I just want him to 1. Do it properly and 2. Stop abusing me and calling me names.
He now refuses to go through my mum, because she was ignoring everything except things about contact. He sent her messages about me, his usual cruel things, but nothing too incriminating. He is smart. He refuses to go through anyone else, even his mum he only wants to speak to me.
But I can't do that anymore and so have blocked him on everything.
He has them for 2 nights a month, no more, no school holidays, although he took them abroad with his mum last year. And turns up to watch our son at football, it appears he only likes the fun things.
Please can someone tell me how i can facilitate contact formally whilst keeping myself out of it. He is perfectly fine with everyone else just not me.